Day 29

Since I was three, maybe four and up until I was seventeen I had the same dream at least once a month.

I am riding my red tricycle in the backyards of the North Carolina apartments I lived at. There is a hedge to my left, dark green with lighter flecks as the sun hits the insides of leaves. The apartments are on my right. Red bricks with green rear doors. All the same, all empty. On my left, again there is a gap in the hedge, and archway perfectly black. I stop in front of it and look inside, and there, in the center two eyes appear. They are large and pointed and yellow. I hear a growling coming from the darkness and I want to move but I can't. I am stuck in place, sitting on my tricycle, staring at the two blank eyes. They look through me. I try again to move and I see the thing. Its teeth bared, and paws leaping towards me, the Wolf growls and barks, its form growing towards me. It is going to kill me, it will eat my flesh.


Since the time those dreams stopped I have not had one nightmare. Not one bad or frightening dream. That was the end all to terrifying dreams. The feeling of terror would fill my soul even hours after I'd woken up. There was never another. Not until that night some time ago, after I had killed that man on accident. The man who had tried to kill me. He and his friends, (if that is what indeed they were), had had no problems firing at us for just a small amount of supplies, but I guess that is how it is now. We need to survive just as they did.

That dream of me killing him, of killing Crystal returned last night.

I watch me shoot him. I am outside of my body and I watch as I take careful aim, thinking I would be getting close to him to scare him. I watch the bullet move in slow motion towards its target. I watch it as it bends slightly with the wind and hits the man in the head. And I watch as blood sprays from the back of his head and ears.The bullet exits. Then, there is Crystal at my feet, gagging, blood coming from her mouth as she wakes, not as a human but a zombie, whatever that means. She is scarred and bleeding from several places. She is missing an ear. I hold her near me, pushing her still weak head away from mine until I push the blade through her jaw. 


I wake up sweating, breathing hard. Dawn is there and it is evident that she had been trying to wake me. The boys are still asleep.

"Are you OK?" she says, her hand on my back, holding me up.

"Yeah. Bad dream." I tell her about it, explaining how I had killed the man what seemed like such a long time ago. She holds me as we fall asleep, comforting me as we both fall asleep.

* * *

The next day Josh and Charlotte go out to find some gas tanks and fill them with gas. We don't want to stop on our way back to Utah. They take the Hummer, leaving some of the weapons behind for our use. Chad is still in his room. I catch him occasionally alone and can tell that he is thinking of them. I think of them too, and with this dream, even more so. It is an odd thing loosing someone in this apocalyptic world. It's not the same. There is little time to mourn. But I can feel him mourning now. I know there is little I can do, and I know that I do not know what he is going through. But all the same I walk into his room, knocking first. I find him standing, staring out of the window, his arms folded.

"Chad," I say tentatively. He turns around and looks at me. There is something in his expression and I can tell that he still, on some level, blames me for their deaths. And to be honest, so do I. I want to turn and leave. Leave him to his sorrow, but I stay. "Do you want to stop back at your house? I mean, on our way back to Utah, do you wanna stop back and get a picture or . . . or something. Something to remember them by?"

He walks towards me and hugs me. He cries then, and I hold him as he does. "No one should live in a world like this," he says into my shoulder. "This isn't right. And it's not only Crystal and Clive. Where are mom and dad, or Dan, or Joyce. I've had no contact with Crystals family either. We couldn't get a hold of them when this all started happening. They weren't at their house. Just like Grandma and Grandpa. They just disappeared."

I do not know what to say. I feel the same, but at least I have my wife and boys. They give me hope, and help me to keep going. I can feel the loneliness Chad feels even surrounded by all of us.

He lets go of me and apologizes, which I wave off. "I'm sorry. I really am, I wish I could tell you . . ." He stops me.

"Don't worry," he says. And leaves it at that. "So," he walks away and grabs a pistol and his katana, "what's the plan for today?"

"Josh and Charlotte have gone to try and find gas cans and fill them. I was thinking of trying to find some books on genetics or immunity somewhere in this place."

"Where's all of the gas going to be stored?"

"I was thinking of tying the drums to the rack on top. I don't really want a bunch of gas in the car with us."

"True."

We walk out and I see Dawn feeding Seeley and Connor eating a pop-tart. I sit down on the floor where they are and eat another pop-tart that was on a plate with several. Chad joins us. I tell Dawn my plans and she asks if Connor can tag along. I agree.

"Honey," Dawn says, "when do you think we could start heading back again?"

"I think everyone, for the most part is feeling better."

Chad lifts up his hand showing the bandage, "it's like I never even had one." I laugh and Dawn smiles at him.

"Let me talk to Josh and Charlotte when they get back. But I would bet we could tomorrow. There would be a lot to do today as far as packing up."

"I'll start getting stuff ready while you look for your book . . . or books."

* * *

Connor and I make our way through the hospital. We are both holding flash lights and his is moving around sporadically. I have my bag on with the machete attached to the back, the hilt sticking out of the side. I am not sure where to look for books on genetics or even where in a hospital I would look. My first guess would be in the offices, of doctors that deal with genetic disorders. The only I can think of is hemophilia, and so, after looking on a directory image on a large pillar I make my way to the hematology department.

It is dark. Very dark as there are no lights on in these offices and there are no windows to give any light. I pick up Connor as I walk. I don't want to lose him. I walk over to a door and try to open it. It is locked.
I try the next few. All locked.

"Connor," I say. "I need to break the door down so I'll need to set you down." He objects and holds on tight to me. "Please, buddy. It will only be fore a few seconds."

"No. no. no. Don't do that, Daddy!"

I clinch my jaw, readying myself for the pain that would probably sear through my leg. I shine the light on the door. All around us is dark. I shone the light around us, making sure there was no one around. Or nothing around. I stopped, listening. There was nothing.

The door plate reads Dr. O'Rourk. I back up a bit and finally kick with my left foot, aiming towards the lock. I hear a crack and splintering and the door swings open. I can tell the wood was cheap and hollow. Light floods in through the window that lines the far wall of the office. It makes the hall that Connor and I are in look eerie and I see shadows move around me. My heart starts to pound. I quickly make my way into the office and close the door behind me. It swings open slightly, maybe an inch or two. As it closes I hear what I was dreading. That scream. High pitched and deafening. There is loud banging that follows and then more screams. I can pick out at least five, probably more.

I hear no movement near us and so I grab the door and swing it open. "Connor," I saw, pulling out my machete, "hold on tight." I feel him wrap his arms around me and I start out of the door. The darkness engulfs us as we run. My light is in the same hand the machete is, my other holding Connor close to me. The hallway is longer than I remember and all I can here is my breathing and foot falls as I run as fast as I can to the end of the hall. I turn to the right and start to sprint again. There is something in my way. I try to turn around it but hit the trays hard. I fall and Connor stumbles away from me. I can hear him crying but am not sure where he is.

"Connor," I say, "turn on your flashlight." He is still crying. I find my light and shine it around. I see my machete on the ground and pick it up. Suddenly, from behind I am tackled.

"No!" I yell and spin my body as I fall and land on my side. I swing my blade behind me and it hits the thing in its head but not deep enough.  I fight against it, yelling at it and am able to get away. Connor is screaming and I swing the machete at the things head over and over. It is gone and I look around for Connors light but it is not there. He must have dropped it, I think.

I shine my light towards the crying and see him standing in the hallway his hands up by his chest. "Are you OK?" He nods. I pick him up and start running again. The screaming gets quieter and finally it is gone. I stop running and walk the rest of the way to the emergency room nurses station where we have been staying. Dawn comes running towards me once we are in view.

"What happened," I look down and there is blood all over me and Connor. She can see the shock on my face and I pull Connor away and look over him, making sure the blood is not his. There is a stain on his cheek and Dawn quickly wipes it off.

"There were zombies up there. One of them attacked me but I was able to kill it and get away.

"Up where?"

"In hematology . . . we broke into an office room and I think they heard it. Dawn, we just barely got away and I don't know if they are trying to get out or get to us. We need to go. Are Josh and Charlotte back yet?"

"No. Not yet. I thought that we were safe in here . . . I mean . . ." I can tell she is starting to panic.

"Chad!" I yell. I try to hold her and she moves toward me but I stop, backing up. She looks surprised. "I can't. I have blood and you . . ." I trail off. At the thought of that Dawn Reaches over one of the counters and grabs a mask, placing it over her mouth and nose. Chad is running, holding Seeley. His gun is hanging by its strap at his side.

"What's happened, what's wrong?" I quickly explain what happened and that we need to leave as soon as Josh and Charlotte get back. "Can you watch this hall to make sure I wasn't followed? We can take turns if needs be. Dawn and I will start getting everything packed up. Chad hands Seeley to Dawn and I run over to where I have an extra shirt laying. I change into it and throw my other shirt down the hall Connor and I had come from.

* * *

It takes a little over an hour for us to pack everything and line it up by the door where the Hummer will park.  Chad sits in a chair he pulled over from the counters and watches down the dimly lit hall. There has been no movement and no sound and so I assume that they had been, (or almost all of them) had been trapped within some room.

The sun sets and we light candles and make a simple meal. Still Josh and Charlotte have not returned. We all silently worry what had happened, but no body says anything. Connor and Seeley are loud and tired, but we don't dare put them in another room alone, even if there is no way a zombie could get in. We're all shaken up about it.

Finally, near midnight Chad, Dawn and the boys turn in. All in the same room with me, in a chair against the door. I keep watch for several hours until Chad comes out and relieves me. I don't know what time it is but I am grateful for the break and with sleep, comes a break from my worries.