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Day 57

I woke to gun shots. Soon after there is a knock on my door and Dan comes in.

"Did you hear those?" he whispers.

"Yeah."

"They came from somewhere out side. I think someone is out there."

Dawn is stirring, barely awake and I quickly tell her that I need to go. She turns over to hear my explanation but I can tell she is not really hearing it. I kiss her and go. It's probably better that she doesn't know.

I grab my machete that had been under the bed and we walk out of the room. No one else is awake. It is close to Ann's shift and so we wake her. We explain what we heard and that we're going to look into it.

Down stairs we have our weapons laying out. I grab my M21 and Dan grabs a pistol after tucking his machete in his belt, unable to hold a rifle with on hand. I had Ann a pistol and ask her to stay down here to keep an eye out. She looks at the pistol as she agrees. I throw my back pack with the ammunition on, cock the rifle and stick the machete in its place.

There are more gun shots. Probably about a block or so away. I open the door and walk out into the cool air. I look around but see nothing. The waxing moon give enough light to see around us but I am not able to see anybody or anything down the street. The door opens behind us and Dean comes out.

"I heard the shots and Ann said you were out here." He is holding Josh's M4 and has a pistol tucked in his pants. "Thought I could help."

"Sounds good," Dan says.

There are gunshots again, coming from our right and we turn, running down the street. I hold the rifle in front of me as I run. The clinking of the clips sounds abnormally loud and so I do my best to run with little bounce. We come to an intersection as more shots are fired. This time, we see a flash from down the street, just around a corner on the right. We run towards it and as we do two zombies jump out at us, one in front and the other behind.

Forgetting caution I fire one round into the zombies head, killing it instantly. It crumples to the ground without a twitch. I hear several shots from behind me to see the one behind get shot three times. More start to filter out of seemingly no where. They sprint towards us at alarming rates and many I only just kill before they reach is. I look towards Dean and he is without a mask.

"Dean!" I yell, and he looks at me. "I'll cover you. Tie your shirt around your mouth and nose."

"Oh shit!" he says, scrambling to put his gun down and take off his t-shirt. "Damn it, damn it," he repeats as he starts to tie it around his mouth. I fire at several zombies nearing him and spin around to kill more. Dean picks his rifle up and we continue towards the sound of the near shots. There are no zombies near us as we get to the intersection where we had seen the flashes from the gun. Down a ways. Limping, trying to run, is a man firing a rifle down the road. Aiming at zombies, hitting them occasionally. He seems to be an older man, maybe in his forties or fifties. I run behind the homes that share backyard to avoid his stray bullets and soon come out behind him. I raise my rifle as Dean steps up beside me. We start to fire rounds into the oncoming zombies.

The man, startled by our gun fire stumbles and falls to the ground. I look over at him and see his pant leg. There is blood soaked into the cloth. It shines in the moonlight. I can see the zombies starting to surround us as we fire rounds through their skulls. They are unrelenting. I swing my gun around and pull out my machete. Dean is scrambling through my bag for more ammo as he lifts his pistol and fire several rounds. There is a break in the zombies and Dan runs over to him and helps him up. We walk over to a nearby house and Dean kicks the door open. I turn as I walk in and swing my machete down at a zombie, still at a dead sprint. I strike its head, but its momentum knocks me over. I scramble up as Dean fires at two others nearby. I stand, rush into the house and close the door, dead bolting it quickly.

The man grunts as Dan lays him down on an old seventies looking couch with pink flowers on it.

"They got my leg," he says, trying to reach for it. "Those bastards got my leg. . . I, I tried to get away, but . . ." he grunts again, grasping for it. Dean backs up from the man.

"Dean," Dan says, "go look for some type of pain killer. Maybe they have something that can help him.

"Am I," he starts but winces. "Am I going to turn into one of them?"

I don't know what to say. I look at him, and I know that I betray what I know will happen.

"Damn it," he says. "Shit! I can't be one of them. Please!" He tries to sit up, but thinks better of it. "Please, you need to make sure I don't turn."

"I--I can't. I, can't do that." I look at Dan for support, but he is unable to look at me or the man. I know that he doesn't want that option to be presented to him. I turn back to the pleading man. "I'm sorry. I . . ." There are no words that I can say. I keep silent and look at him. He is crying now. Begging for me to not let him turn into a zombie. I get closer to him and grab his hand. It is rough. Hands of someone use to physical labor.

"What is your name?" I ask him.

"Heath," he says. "It's Heath."

"Heath. What did you do in life? Before all of this."

"I--" in inhales sharply, "I was a carpenter."

"You married?"

"Yes. When I was twenty four. Her name was--it was Jezabell." Tears are rolling down his cheeks, and I find that I too am crying. Dean and Dan stand behind me, watching, unmoving.

"Sounds like a beautiful name," I say.

"She was beautiful. I loved her with all of my heart."

"Heath," I say, and pull a pistol from my bag that is on the floor, silently. "Remember your wedding day. Can you see it?"

He looks at me and chuckles slightly, "we eloped in Las Vegas." I laugh with him. "It was such a beautiful day in August." I put the gun up to his head, out of his sight. "She looked like a dream. I can still remember her kiss. She was everything and I loved her."

I pull the trigger and pull away from him quickly. Blood litters the couch to his side and I collapse on his chest, sobbing, crying out. I throw the gun towards the door. The door that until I hadn't noticed Dean is leaning against as zombies push and bang against the dead lock and hinges.

* * *

We go out the back ten minutes later and run silently back to my uncles house. I have my machete out and only need to use it once. Back at my uncles I sit down at the table with a piece of paper and pen and write down what Heath had told me. I then write about the others that have died. Only a little bit. I fold the paper and place it in the small, unused pocket in my bag.

I go up and hug Dawn, telling her that I love her and thanking her for being my wife. I hug my kids, kissing them on their heads. Connor tells me he loves me and says he missed me while I was gone. I tell him I missed him too. Seeley rests his head on my shoulder for a second and then squirms away, but it was enough.

Dan, nor Dean feel much like talking about what happened. We three simply sit on the couch as the sun rises and after a breakfast we pack up the van with the little things we pulled out. We are unable to leave until mid afternoon and know that it will take until tomorrow to weave our way through the parked and abandoned cars that litter the streets and highways. But we leave, and I am glad of it. I will never want to come to this place again.

Day 56

It is mid afternoon when we find my uncles house. It looked familiar from the outside, but upon entering it we were sure. We searched the thing, Dean and McKay downstairs and Josh and Dan went  up. The rest of us looked through the remainder and out back. It was Josh who had found a note on the bathroom mirror.

We have gone to Moab to camp out in the La Sal's. 
There is some dry food and water downstairs. To find us, 
go to Gemini Bridges. We'll be near the big hole.

Good luck.

The letter is not addressed to anyone in particular but I assume it was for us. I can tell there is frustration from everyone. And I feel the same. We have been in this dead, empty city for three days only to find a note saying look elsewhere. It feels pointless. Dawn and Josh go down stairs to look into the food they had left while the rest of us go through the house, looking for anything that may be useful. It does not look like there were any zombie attacks in the house, and so, after Charlotte spends nearly an hour sanitizing many of the surfaces, she and the others remove their masks and breath freely.

There is no power, however, out back there is a grill with a tank of propane and Dawn and I prepare a meal for everyone. A hot meal, a type of vegetable soup made from dry vegetables and rice. It turns out to be pretty good. Dawn was always good at making soups.

We tell stories around the table. Stories of back home before all of this. Stories of crazy boyfriends and girlfriends. Of work and school and growing up. I told a story about how Chad and I had gotten into one physical fight that I can remember. It was back when the internet was just starting to take off. Still using dial-up Chad played a game while I came down stairs telling him I needed on to check my email. He did not and I turned the computer off. He punched me in the stomach then. He as so much stronger than I was. I told them how I was scared and so picked up a stool that was near the computer and hit him in the side with it, just before scrambling up stairs and away from any other harm.

We laughed. I laughed and for a moment there was a silence and it felt as though it was meant for Chad. No one indicated it as such, but it was known. He was a great older brother to all of us, and a great husband and father.

It was Dan who finally broke the silence. "I miss disc-golf," he said.

I smiled and agreed with him. We'd go, me and him, every weekend to UVU to play the course. That is, until they got rid of it in lieu of a new science building.

Suddenly Connor stands up on his chair and says, "I am Super Why!" holding his fists up in the air.

We all laugh, and Dawn asks him, "you miss Super Why?" A TV show meant to teach kids reading.

"Uh-huh," he says and smiles as we all continue to laugh. "I'm just kidding, mom."

"Are you being silly?" she asks.

"Yeah."

We continue talking, eating the warm soup and drinking soda's they had had down stairs. They were a bit warm but we didn't care. Some time soon after Josh and I went to each bedroom made sure everything was locked and secure. Checked the doors and dead bolted everything. When we got back we gave shifts for watch. Josh volunteered first, the Charlotte, Dawn, myself, Dan and then Ann. Dean got out of it for this night. Each would only have an hour of watch.

We continued to talk. Josh and I about science fiction books. Dan said that Anathem was the best sci-fi book written, and I defended Hyperion. Others spoke of life before all of this and we each without noticing it began to smile and forget the world in which we now lived. We remembered the simplicity of living only months ago, and yearned for it to return.

We went to bed that night laughing at a story Dawn told about her room mates and a cat. I held Dawn that night and felt happy, as if, I was finally accepting this new life style we all were forced into. Coping with it and coming to a subtle realization that there will never be anything different.

Day 55

Charlotte is in front of me, her face close to mine as she dabs some ointment on the scratches for the fifth time sense I got them. She cleans each one and then moves to my left hand ring finger and right leg. She tries to be gentle, but it doesn't matter since all we have is alcohol and hydrogen peroxide. It stings but I grit my teeth and bare it.

"Do you think the zombies are aware of what they are doing?" She asks suddenly, dabbing at my leg. "I mean, do you think they have a choice, or maybe fight what they are doing but are unable to?"

"I don't know," I say honestly. "I would guess that they are not aware at all. I mean . . . the original person died, right, and that is when this infection, bacterial, or whatever, revives them. I would say that whatever was there before is gone after they die."

"What? Like their spirit?"

"That's one way of looking at it. Have you heard of conscious theories?"

"A little, but nothing in detail."

"That," I start, "is one of the biggest questions within science and philosophy. Where do we get our consciousness, what it meant by consciousness, and why is it important, if we even have it. I think the more important question is are these creatures conscious beings? Do they have in themselves a separate consciousness that drives them and gives them cause to attack? Or are they literally zombies, a term that, in philosophy, refers to one who is without consciousness."

"And it would matter because we are killing them," Charlotte continues, catching on to my train of thought. "We kill them to survive, but would it be ethical to kill them just to kill them?"

"Exactly. I had a hard time at first coping with having to kill them. I think more so because they looked human. Many mangled, but still human. But then I thought, what makes a human human. I'm not talking about biological; not, what makes a Homo sapien a Homo sapien, but what exactly makes us humane? What is different between the violence that I take part of when killing zombies and the violence they show towards us? Because violence is violence, right?" I wince as she dabs hydrogen peroxide on my leg again.

"I guess, right," Charlotte says, "but isn't ours more in self defense? To protect us. You ran at a zombie with no weapons to protect us. In most context that would be suicide, but you did what you needed to do." She pauses, "so maybe that is the distinguishing factor in our violence. We are doing it because we have to."

"I don't think it can be that cut and dry. All things wish to survive. I've been watching them, you see, and I think they are evolving rapidly. Not physically, but behaviorally. They are alone and feed, then they are in groups and are migrating. They don't attack cars if we're just driving by and now they are stalking. To me, this seems like classic survival skills. Which makes me thing that whatever is infecting them needs them to be violent. Whether that is for their own survival, or just a side effect of the infection, it seems like a necessary part of the zombie process.

"I think what makes us human is something deeper, more primal than violence. It is our willingness to survive. To survive in a way that will give us happiness. That is why we have religion, because with out it things seemed bleak. Whether you believe in God or not, that belief brings about hope. And I think only a conscious being could think of something as grand as hope. Without it, what is all of this for? Why am I letting you clean me--which is painful--if I didn't have hope that gave me this instinctive survival motive."

"So do you believe in God?" She asks, now wrapping gauze around my leg.

"Yeah. I do."

"Did he give you consciousness?"

"Probably not. I think some version of me has always had it. I think maybe he helps it grow. How about you? Do you believe in a God?"

"No. I don't think so. And if I ever did I think that belief left when all of this shit started happening."

"But who says that this is God's work or will?" I ask. I wait to see if she will respond but she doesn't. "I think the biggest problem with religions is people feeling as though everything is ruled by God. A tornado touches down and kills dozens and all of the sudden people are questioning how this fits into God's ultimate plan, or how can God allow something like this. And there are many building up attributes to my believe, evolution, progression and freewill, mainly, but the basis behind it all is that God has nothing to do with it.

"I think there is no difference--when it comes to God's responsibilities and actions--between me cutting my finger on a knife, and a zombie apocalypse wiping out most of the world. I think what matters is what we do with ourselves during these times, and how we cope with them. God won't interfere with our pain, because that is an aspect of being human. But he will give us, by default of religion and belief, opportunity after the fact to gain this hope that makes us humane."

She finishes wrapping up my leg and hand, obviously in deep thought. She stands and thanks me, hugging me as she does.

"I don't know if I'll ever believe in God, but thanks all the same. I think I needed this conversation."

I smile and hug her back and think to my self that this . . . this connection that we have between us, our connection in loneliness that makes living important. We are all alone, every second of every day, and the only thing that can help is that acknowledgement of the loneliness and taking comfort through others joint loneliness, knowing that they can feel the same as you.

* * *

The search is fruitless and we end early, arriving back at the house we'd slept in the night before. Tomorrow we will go out again, at least this one last time, and look for my family who may be dead, and all I can do is hope that they are still alive, somewhere, hoping to see us again.

Day 54

St. George is an awkwardly quiet place. Nothing moves. There is not even a breeze coming from the western mountains. It is still and silent. The red rock surrounding the city is bright in the cloudless sky and it is much warmer. I strip off my coat after we park and get out of the car. I hold Connor as we walk around the van, resting and stretching out aching bones. Seeley is walking on the ground with Dawn watching him, smiling and excited to not be in the van. I think we all are.

Again, looking down some streets I can see zombies wandering around, unsure of what to do when not hunting and I keep an eye on them. I get the odd sensation of being in the safari, surrounded by dangerous animals, but as long as we do not make ourselves know we are safe. However, while these thoughts go through my head I hear Charlotte yell for everybody to get into the car. Without hesitating I put Connor on a seat, help Dawn with Seeley, and get in after them, closing the door behind me. Moments after it is closed a bloody smear streaks across the window from the hands of a zombie. It bangs the windows and door as more crowd around. Dean, who had jumped in to drive, throws the car into drive and speeds away, the zombies slowly following after us.

* * *

We drive through St. George for some time looking for signs that my family may still be alive without any luck. It isn't for some time that Dan reminds us that they lived in Washington, a suburb of St. George and so we make our way there. We search for hours. None of us knowing where they live and only vaguely remembering what their house looks like. I remember a park being nearby, and so with every park we pass I feel like we are near the house, but each time we are unable to find the house a road or two down.

At one of the parks, after making sure there were no zombies in sight we drove onto the grass, in the middle of the field and got out. Connor and Seeley played in the grass, running after their uncles, or me or Dawn, or any of the others. They were, for a beautifully shining moment, the center of everyones attention. We chased and rolled around, making noise and having a good time. We were not disturbed, to my surprise, and as the sun lowered in the sky we each laid on the grass, looking at the clouds.

I hear something behind me. A low moan. I sit up from where I lay next to Dawn and turn my head just in time to see a zombie bolt towards us from a playground. It had been waiting, it seemed. If it had not made that small moan I would never of heard it. I scramble to my feet and look for a weapon. There are none. They're all in the car, and in the time it takes me to notice this the zombie is very near us. I run towards it, yelling at someone, anyone to grab a weapon. It is only twenty or so feet away from everyone when I tackle it, or rather, we collide and collapse to the ground, I on top of it. It is clawing at me and trying to bite me when I punch it hard in the face. It is almost unaffected by it and claws at my face, tearing skin on my forehead and cheek. I scream from the pain and punch the thing again. I wrestle away from it and, taking a step kick it hard in the head. I feel my big toe break and so revert to stamping on its head as it spins around and tries to get up. It falls down as my foot lands on it.

I look around and see that there are more running towards the others, who are all--all but Dan, that is--running towards the van. He runs towards me with my machete, holding his own under his arm and as he nears he throws mine to me, sheathed, and I catch it, but trip as the zombie grabs my leg. I pull the blade out as I fall and drop it on the things head as it is opening its mouth for my leg. I will not let another chunk of my leg taken out. The blade sinks in and kills the zombie where it lay.

I spin to look towards the van that is now reversing towards us. There are two zombies close to Dan and I and as they near he turns towards them and with a swing decapitates one while I thrust my blade forward and half stab, half allow the zombie to run face first into the pointed end. Hurriedly we both get into the van and close the door.

Charlotte presses the gas down and peels out on the grass before the van lurches forward and speeds away. I sit in my seat, leaning back while everyone looks back towards the chaos, All but me, Josh, Dan and Connor have masks on. Charlotte announces after getting back on the road that she is going to find a house for us to stay the night and we drive on as the sun sets.

Day 53

Josh and Charlotte, early this morning, found a large van that would fit all of us. We move all of the supplies from the Hummer to the van, taking only a few minutes, and are soon on our way. In a way, I miss the Hummer. It was a good vehicle that had been through a lot. The van, stolen from an auto dealership, seemed clunky. It bounced harshly making it hard to do anything except watch the road in front of us.

The freeway is filled with cars. Not so many as to block our bath, but enough to make it slow going for a few hours. Once past Springville we were able to pick up the speed a bit, but still could not as fast as we would like.

And so, for much of the day I am resigned to sit and think and look out the window. I see some zombies wandering in fields far from the freeway. The seem to wander aimlessly and many, from what I can tell, do not ever look up from the sound of our revving engine. 

I am left thinking about the zombies and what would cause the disease. I have figured all along that the disease is bacterial, which would explain the immunity in the most easiest possible way. But what is it that kills the person and brings them back as a zombie. A brain infection? I remember learning of a zombie fungus that would kill an ant. The then zombie ant would walk mindlessly to an optimal location for the fungus to grow easily and at its best. I doubt, however, that the infection that it taking over our bodies is fungal, but it is likely that it is utilizing the same survival techniques as the fungus. That would then explain why the zombies seem to migrate, moving south. Maybe the bacteria, or whatever it is, is moving humanity south as a method.

I find the idea fascinating and talk with Josh and Dawn for sometime about it. Dawn wasn't convinced, but then again, neither am I. There is simply no way for me to know.

Some time in the early afternoon hours Dan starts his story after being asked about it once again.

"After the news of the outbreak in China the quarantined Finland. No body in or out. The borders were guarded and fortified, however, it is impossible to completely isolate a country now-a-days. And so to get out, you would have to face the wilderness areas and cross the border. I stayed, content for a little while. I think I was naive at the time, thinking this was nothing different than the H1N1 virus--swine flu--but soon grew to know that it was going to last a long time.

"About a week and a half into the quarantine I tried to get out, make a run for it across the border. I got caught. Detained for a night and then sent back into society with a tag." He held up his wrist and there was a dot on it. "Three dots and you're imprisoned for ninety days or until the quarantine is lifted. It wasn't for another two weeks that I was able to get out. I net some people while I ate alone on a street corner table. They saw the dot and that was the buy in for me. They let me join them.

"They smuggled me out in boats. I will not bore you with the details, but it was a long arduous process. I was alone with two sandwiches and a walkie talkie that ended up not working half way through for three days. . .

"Anyways. We were attacked first in England, near York. I froze when I saw the first zombie and was tackled. They got it off of me and one handed me a machete. He said to never let it leave my side. Our group was of about ten at this point and we were all Americans, accept for Bob and Rose, who were Canadian. We were determined to make it across the sea. Near the West coast we were attacked again. One got my arm. Bit it. It kept biting it. Over and over. I was so weak . . . Bob, the Canadian chopped my arm off and killed the thing. He thought it would save me from turning and I spent days waiting for the infection to take hold, but it never did. I thought Bob had saved me.

"Three of us made it back to the states in the end. Bob knew boats and so, after commandeering a large yacht (it's odd how things just sit there, how everything is free) we sailed over. I cannot describe the difficulty of this. But Bob kept us going. He pushed us and we made it in eight days--eight long days.

"For days we fought through massive amounts of zombies, hordes of zombies until I was the only one left. I realized then, after watching five of the ten get sick and change without a single bite, and the others change after having been dead for a short time that I was immune. It was the only explanation.

"It took a week to get to Mom and Dad's. I drove and walked and drove again. Not stopping for anything until I got there. But you were all gone. Finally, after two or so days I saw a flyer stating that there was food and shelter at UVU, so I went . . . and that's it."

* * *

We stop for gas in the city, Nephi, filling quickly, watching a few zombies wander down a street, not seeing us. I stare at one, a once young woman, as she wanders from one side of the street to the other. There is nothing human about her. However, there are animalistic qualities or instincts That seem to be embedded in the thing. I stand there and wonder, pumping gas.

Soon, I am back in and we are on the freeway again. The cars have built back up and so we slowly drive around them. The congestion is not as bad as before, but still annoying. I stay awake for sometime as I watch the others and the view outside. Dan is driving while Josh and Charlotte lean together in the last seat, sleeping, holding hands. I am happy for them, for Josh. I don't know how you would get through something like this without someone. Someone you can rest and lean on. Someone you can rely on. Dean and Ann sit next to each other. Both trying to sleep and both failing at it, much like I am failing at it. And so I watch out the window, look at the rocky mountains and think of better times.

Day 52

I know before we park the car that no one is at UVU. However, Ann and Dean are insistent and so Josh and I leave with them to check it out while the others run to the Wal-Mart near by to hopefully grab some provisions and supplies.

* * *

We walk in through the administration buildings. The lights are all out and the dim light coming from the windows only adds to the eeriness of the atmosphere. I have my M21 pointing down the hall that would lead to the hall of flags and Josh is pointing his M4 the other direction. Dean and Ann both have pistols we'd grabbed from the back of the Hummer. We turn left, and walk down the long hall way filled with chairs, lining the walls, and flags from around the globe hanging above from the ceiling. The large windows bring light into the hall allowing us to see easily what is before us.

"I really don't  think anyone is here," Josh says to me as we walk down the hall. "I mean . . . we would see someone, or something."

"Yeah, I think so too." I can tell that Dean and Ann are feeling the same way but are unwilling to admit it. Maybe the stubbornness comes in part because of the death of their friend.

"I think we should look in the UCCU Center," Ann says, pointing in its general direction. "That seems the most likely place. We agree and move on.

I look through the hall that leads to the science rooms. The large pendulum that swung back and forth since I can remember, knocking over wooden dowels as it rotated slowly around now hung perfectly still. The library was open and dark inside. I walk over to it and peer in. There is no sound. I walk further in and the others stop, looking at me. I disappear into the darkness for a minute or two and emerge with a new black coat on. It is slender and fit as well as having the UVU emblem on the left.

"I needed a new coat," I say, shrugging. Ann rolls her eyes.

We walk outside, walking between buildings as we make our way to the events center. There is no movement that I can see outside, however I have a feeling that we are being watched. By who or what, I do not know. Josh and I have now separated further to keep a better eye out for any zombies. I see movement down towards the library, near the doors there is a zombie, wandering, seemingly aimlessly. It is looking the other direction and so we hurry into the Liberal Arts building and out of sight. It is dark and hard to see down the long hallway, passing by dance studio's, English studies as well as math and philosophy. I can see the doors at the end, but what is between is more or less a mystery.

We do not need to go down this hall, however. We walk strait and, crossing an in-closed bridge, we arrive at the double doors that will lead to the UCCU Center. We try the door but it is locked. It would be almost impossible to kick in as it is an outward swinging door and so we decided to try another door.

We walk back, and then turn left to go down the LA building long hall which would lead us outside and then to another entrance. Soon, after walking down the hall for nearly a minute, there is a crash from in front of us. There is nothing there, but could have easily come from one of the rooms. We four stop and stair down the hall, trying to see if there was anything there. Soon, there is another crash and a zombie tumbles out of a stair well. It is laying on its back and trying to scramble up. It yells and runs back towards the stairs only to fall back out again. I pull my machete out but Josh is ahead of me. He katana already swinging around and soon slicing the things head open. I swing my gun around and pull my machete out, ready for any other to appear out of the stairs. None come.

We begin to continue walking when a man steps out of the stairwell. He is tall and looks older. He is missing his left arm from the elbow down, and it is heavily bandaged, and holds a machete, not too dissimilar to mine, in his right hand. He is wearing a suit, and this is the oddest thing about him. A suit and tie, albeit, it being very heavily torn up. There are holes in both knees and one of the shoulder seems are coming severely undone.

"Aaron?" the man says, "Josh?"

I recognize the voice immediately and Josh and I both run towards him. Dan, is standing in front of us, mangles and scared, but there, nonetheless. I slap him on the back as I hug him and he grimaces. I apologize quickly and grin at mine and Josh's little brother, who, up until now, we had thought in Finland, where he had lived over the last two years.

"How?" I ask, but he interrupts me.

"It's a long story," he says, waving his stub. He winces. "I think we need to leave, though. If any of the zombies," Josh cuts him off.

"You call them zombies, too!" He looks at me, nodding in approval, "nice!"

"Uh, I think more will come soon. If any heard that racket."

"Have you seen any survivors here?" Dean asks, obviously already knowing the answer.

"No. I'm sorry." It occurs to me then that maybe they were hoping to find family here. Or friends. I can see their disappointment.

"C'mon," I say to them. "We better get going." I grab Dean by the arm and look at him significantly. I intend to ask him who he was hoping to find but out of an open door, as we walk past a zombie leaps out and tackles Ann.

"Ann!" Dean yells and he kicks the thing off of his friend. It does not go far and I run over, pulling my machete out and stabbing its head. The blade goes into its ear and brain. I hear a yell from somewhere and know that we need to move.

"Let's go," Dan yells, "Dean helps Ann up and, just before me they start to run. I sheath my machete before running and pull my gun in front of me. I cannot hear anything, only our breathing and footsteps. As we near the dance rooms and lockers the hallway grows darker and I have a hard time seeing anything in front of me well enough to know if I'll need to fire. I hear the yell again and turn to see a single zombie running after us. The yell, I realize at that moment, is calling other zombies, for more join him and I am forced to fire several loud bursts at the oncoming things. I drop them but know more will be coming. More from all over the school.

I get outside and watch as Dean shoots one dead, hitting it directly in the head. Dan is running with his machete towards a group of zombies all running towards us. I am amazed as I watch him kill no less then five zombies. This is not the same person I know when he left, in several ways he seems . . . dangerous. I hear fires from Josh as well. He is a ways before us, moving towards the doors that would lead to the science building, urging us to hurry. We follow him through the doors where there are several zombies running towards us from within the science department, from down the hall of flags and food courts around the side. They are everywhere, and gathering around us. I open fire on them, making us a path to move through. Josh fires at those nearest us, keeping them off. Once makes it through and grabs Josh, clawing at tearing up his arm as he struggles free, dropping his gun to catch on its strap and unsheathing his machete, stabbing it into the mouth of the creature.

"Wow," says Dan. Josh smiles weakly looking at his mangled arm. Dean and Ann pass then and they follow behind. More and more zombies file into the hall, making it impossible to get through. I spin and fire at the window to our side, shattering the glass.

We climb through and walk along the thick brush down to a field. We are followed, but are able to give some distance between us and the zombies. I can see the Hummer driving up the road and I fire several rounds to get their attention. They wheel the Hummer around and pull up onto the grass, meeting us soon after.

We climb in and Dawns excitement rises as she sees Dan.

"You were in there!?" she asks as we pull out, Charlotte driving, Dawn wheeled around in the passenger seat looking at Dan. They had been close before he had left.

"We need something bigger," Charlotte says, speaking of a new vehicle. He did not fit in the Hummer any more.

I sigh and lay back in my seat with Seeley on my lap, squirming to get off. "Good to see you Dan! I can't tell you how good it is to see you."

Day 51

Ann and Dean insist that we give Lauren a proper burial. It was first thing in the morning when they requested Josh, McKay and my help to dig a grave for her and I accepted reluctantly. Or rather, mostly because there was little else to do with the body. All other times one that had been with us had died we needed to leave. But not this time.

It takes the better part of the day to dig the grave and as we do so, in our fenced in back yard we listen for signs or sounds of others out there. There is an odd melancholy in the air that bites at our backs as we dig this grave that seemed to represent a final resting place for all of those that had died. For Ray and Jacob, Crystal and Clive and Chad, and even for the man who I had accidentally killed a lifetime ago. None were buried, and now that I think on it, more than half were killed by me. Some, like Ray, it was a mercy. A blessing. I prevented him from a long and painful death. But what of the others? I don't know. What I do know is that I will never be rid of the dreams and that I will always remember each and every one of them.

The sheets that Lauren is buried are bloody and so Josh and I handle them, along with lowering the body into the ground. Charlotte makes everyone where a mask and no one declines, although I can tell some are annoyed by the idea.

As the sun sets Dean and Ann say a few words about their friend and I catch Dawn cry, and I soon come to find that I am crying too, because there is some measure of peace in this ceremony for all those that have died. And for all those that have died and returned again as something different.

We bury her into the night and slowly file back into the house where it is safe. Each finding their own place to sleep, Dawn and I with our kids, and we all sleep, receiving the rest needed for tomorrow. Finally we will be on our way south, to Saint George.

Day 50

I walk alone to a gas station. Lauren had been coughing worse and so I look for something to ease the pain. I throw cough syrups and mild pain killers into a bag. The store has obviously been raided, however, there are still many different medications sitting on the shelves or on the floor. The day is windy and overcast.  I have a feeling it is going to snow. I readjust my M21 as I start to walk out of the store but stop abruptly and look over to my left. Finally, after a moments thought I walk over to the counter, grab another bag and fill it with whatever candy is left in the gas station.

I walk back in silence, my gun slung around my back and machete in hand. There is a strong breeze from the east that rattles the plastic bags in my left hand. My ring finger aches along with my right hand and leg. I have a slight limp to my step but try to ignore it on my short walk.

I near the house and see movement to my left, in the Catholic church. I look towards it but there is nothing there and I continue on.

Suddenly, from behind I am tackled to the ground. I try to roll, or pull the thing off of me but it is strong. I can feel its mouth near by neck and I snap my head back, cracking its forehead. There is a moment where it moves back and I quickly spin around, throwing it off of me. I roll back and get to my feet quickly, holding my machete. It runs quickly towards me and I do not have time to react by the time it has grabbed my arm and sunk it's teeth into it. Before It can rip a piece of my arm off, however I cleave the machete into its skull. Brain and blood come from the wound and I pull out and its body falls limply to the ground.

I see another movement to my left and as I look there are three more zombies running towards me. I stand still and as one nears I swing hard downwards and stick the machete in its skull. I yank it out just in time to stab the seconds eye and kick the thing towards the third. It dodges the body and my blade as it spins around, coming at me now from the right. I hear a scream coming from the house as it actually punches me. I'm not sure if it was intentional, but I stumble backwards, surprised at the blow. I swing my machete up and stick it in its chin. It is not high or deep enough to kill it and it moves forward, my blade still in its jaw. I yank it out and up, going through the throat and head, and pushing hard, force it into the skull, killing the thing. I do not wait and quickly grab the bags with a bloodied hand from the bite, and run towards my house. I throw the blade into the grass as I get to my door, not wanting the blood to spread, and watch as Josh pulls the trigger of his gun, killing Lauren, who has obviously made the change from human to zombie.

Her friends cry out in alarm, but it is too late, and it is the only thing we can do.

I spend the rest of the day cleaning everything in the house. Making sure that the disease that infected her does not spread to anyone else. All those not immune spend the day in the two bedrooms, while Josh and I clean. It is tedious work, but by the time the sun sets we finish. I go outside to see several zombies loitering, (probably from the gun shot). I quickly grab my machete, wipe it off with a rag and leave the rag out side, closing the door softly behind me and collapsing on the couch.

Day 49

I stay up all night, keeping an eye on Lauren. She insists that it is only a cold, but I am skeptical. I have my machete near me, not knowing what to expect and sit with her. Talking and trying to keep myself awake. Dawn comes in and checks on my near three in the morning.

"What do you think?" she whispers, while we go into the back room for some water we'd stored.

"I don't know. It's hard to say, but I think she's getting worse. I just don't know."

"Why don't you have Josh take over watching?"

"I don't think I'd be able to sleep regardless. I'll sleep in the car once they've been dropped off at UVU." She looks worried, but says nothing. She hugs me and holds tight for some time and I hold her back, wishing so bad to forget the world we live in and to be lost in her arms. I hope silently that when we move apart we are in our back room on a cool February day with the boys playing together in the living room and chicken nuggets cooking in the oven. But we do pull away, and it is dark and our house is crowded with family and friends--other "survivors", whatever that now means, and I am sure that we both feel so very alone.

There is a loud cough from the living room and I start to hear gagging. I rush in as Lauren calls my name. I grab a mixing bowl in a cupboard and hold it under her. Dawn grabs her hair and holds it back as she throws up. I am convinced, and I am sad because of it. Because, somehow, we are going to have to deal with it. And some how I am going to have to tell her friends.

* * *

We decide, because of Lauren, that we will not be going to UVU today, and I try to explain, while Lauren was still present that we just wanted to make sure she was  going to be OK, and wanted to help take care of her. We set up a makeshift bed in our back room for her and after she had laid down we closed the door and I pulled Dean and Ann aside.

"Have either of you ever seen a person change into a zombie?" I ask, looking at both of them in turn.

"No . . ." Dean says, "We've never known anyone who got bit."

"It's just been us, really," Ann adds.

"Well, I think that you can get infected by something airborne."

"Is that why your friend . . . er, Charlotte is always wearing a mask?" Dean asks, but already knows the answer.

"Yes." There is a pause while I think of how to break the news to them and finally just blurt it out, "I think Lauren has been infected."

"But there was no," Ann stops and looks towards the door that leads to the back room. "How do you know?"

"I've seen it before. About a month ago, someone who was traveling with us got infected and had the same symptoms that took on just as fast." I can tell they are both getting annoyed with me, but I press on. "We need to do something about it. But I think she is the one that should decide. So listen," Dean had tried to interrupt but I didn't let him, "I think it would be best if one of you talked to her."

"How much time?" Ann asks.

"I don't know. With Jacob, the other that got infected it took about twenty-four hours."

"So . . . by tonight?"

"It's possible. I'm really really sorry, but I need you to talk to her. I have to think of how to best protect my family."

They both nod, but do not move. I leave them then, allowing them some time to process this. I talk to Dawn and hand her a medical mask. She takes one and grabs another for Seeley. I then make sure Charlotte is wearing one. She, of course, is. When I walk back out into the living room both Ann and Dean are gone. I assume they are in the back. I can hear some soft whimpers coming from the door that leads back there.

I finally, drudgingly make my way to the bed in Dawn and my bed room. I am exhausted and need sleep, especially if we are going to need to be on watch all night when Lauren turns.

My last thought before quickly drifting off to sleep is of hugging Dawn. I don't know what I would do without her. I don't think I could make it through all of this alone. She is out of the room, watching the kids and chatting with Charlotte and in some ways I can see a family, just having fun, hanging out over the weekend, chatting and enjoying each others company. I wonder if it is the weekend. It must be, I think and fall asleep, finally letting my mind rest.

Day 48

I wake up in my own bed.

I cannot describe the feeling of opening ones eyes and seeing your own familiar things around you. Dawns sewing stuff at the desk and selves across from the bed; there is a quilt  half made, folded on the desk next to the sewing machine. Our closet is open and clothes hang there, untouched for some time, now. Our bed, large and comfortable easily fits us and Connor and Seeley. They are still asleep when I wake up.

I had the dream again. I kill the man, Crystal and now the doctor. I am unable to sleep and I can feel the effects of it draining me dry. And still I am unable to sleep, despite my exhaustion. 

The others are sleeping in our living room. On the floor or couch. I make my way out of mine and Dawn's room and, in the morning twilight, watch them as they sleep. They are at ease and it is an odd thing to see.

Outside shows the true measure of peoples panic. There are burnt houses, some still smoking, all around us. Trash litters the streets from knocked over garbage cans. Houses show signs of having been broken into. My car that I had left behind has busted in windows and smells of mildew.  Smoke rises from several places throughout the valley. Some large, dark, stacks billow into the sky. The sky is gray and it looks like rain.

I walk into the bathroom and open the mirror, grabbing Ibuprofen from the shelf. My left hand aches. Hell, my body aches. I am weak and tired. It is hard to go on when your body is constantly bombarded with horrible injuries, and you don't even have time to cope with them. You're either mentally drained or running for your life. I am exhausted.

I try the water but nothing comes out. It was too much to hope that I could take a shower. I walk out and everyone is still asleep and I decide to take a look outside. As I open the door Josh opens his eyes.

"Where are you going?"

"Just out. I need a walk."

"Is that smart?" he sits up slightly to look at me better.

"I don't know, I think I'll be fine." I look out at the front yard and my black car that has no windows.

"You're not going to take anything? No weapon, nothing?"

I look down and realize he's right. I don't even have a jacket on. He stands up and looks at me. I can tell by his face he is concerned. And I can tell I am not acting normal.  The door is still left open and as I go to shut it an arm reaches in and grabs me hard. I spin around and swing my fist wildly, hitting a woman in the face. She is not a zombie, nor is the other two, a man and woman, running to catch up with her.

"Please," she says, "please can we stay here?" I look down the road and there, some hundred meters or so are four zombies, running at awkward sprints towards us.

"Get in," I say, and open the door. They both walk in as Josh grabs his katana, and I grab my machete.

We walk calmly towards the oncoming zombies. I have my blade lowered, Josh holds his in a baseball hitters stance. The first to approach is nearer to Josh and he swings down, diagonally. I swing my blade up at one nearing me, catching it in the chin and cutting through the things face and into its brain. It crumples. There are two more and I side step around the one just as it falls and chop downward. I catch its arm which starts to bleed out. It spins back towards me when Josh, swinging hard, separates its head from its body, the fourth already killed by Josh.

We turn back, and see the three people along with McKay and Charlotte standing in the doorway. The girl has a tissue held to her nose that has turned red from blood.

"I am so sorry," I say to her. "I thought you were a--"

"It's fine, it's fine," and I can tell she means it.

"What happened there?" Josh asks, "Where were you heading?"

"We heard there is a safe house down near UVU with supplies and food," the man said, panting slightly. I look at Josh and he shrugs. I absently rub the bandage on my left hand with the thumb of the same. It is wet and I figure I must had hit it on something during the short fray.

"What are you're names?" Charlotte says from behind them.

"Oh," the girl without a broken nose says, "I'm Ann, and this is Lauren and Dean."

"Are you . . ." Charlotte starts.

"Friends, yeah."

"Well," I say, "You can stay here as long as you'd like. We don't really have much, but there is some food that we can spare." I walk into the house and they follow, Josh checks to make sure there are no zombies coming as he closes the door.

Dawn is walking out of out bedroom, and closes the door behind her. The boys are still asleep. Charlotte is walking back to her stuff, searching frantically for a mask and puts it on upon finding one. I fill Dawn in on what is going on and she offers them some food and goes back with Charlotte to grab some cans of beans or something. I can tell they make Charlotte nervous, not having masks.

"If you'd like you can recoup here and maybe tomorrow we'll head down to the school with you. We're heading to Saint George, so we could head that way first. Drop you off, or something."

They agree and so, for the remainder of the day we clean out the Hummer and restock it, checking out weapons and supplies. It takes longer than I'd like and by the end of the day we are finally well stocked and ready to head down to Saint George to try and find my family, after we go to the school and help these three.

I hear Lauren cough from the back room. It is gargled and thick. It reminds me of something but I can't place it. I lay down at night, exhausted and hear her cough again and I know what it reminds me of.

Jacob.                                                                                           

Day 47

McKay has a machete. He had picked it up some days ago from a zombie he had decapitated with his chain saw. He holds the sheathed blade in his left hand, a pistol in his right, while I pack my back with the remaining ammunition for the M21 and then check to make sure my own machete is secure. Josh is standing near us, holding his katana, ready to clear out any lingering zombies after they move to find us in the field once hearing the shots. Dawn holds Seeley, while Charlotte is holding Connor, who is still groggy and barely awake.

"Be careful," I say, and give my boys and wife each a kiss. "We'll see you at the school soon." I give Dawn one more hug and leave through the back door. On the small porch I draw my machete and head towards one of the two zombies that are loitering in the back yard. It is slow to move, having not seen me and I drop the blade on top of its head, cleaving the skull. I look over and McKay stabs the thing through the eye. I clean my blade on the grass and sheath it again, moving towards a tall sprinkler nozzle sticking up by the fence, to help me over the chain-links. McKay, at fifteen, is a little more graceful at this than I.

We run to the middle of the field and, after nodding towards McKay, he fires a single round into the air. I can only barely see any zombies that are in the front of the house, but they are moving.

They come from several different directions. Most move into the rear of the house, knocking over the makeshift gates on the sides of the house. They crowd the fence and some start to climb over. Others go into neighboring lawns, going through gates or crowding and slowly climbing over. Some have gone around the houses and walk towards us through the parking lot near the park. I look behind us but see no other zombies coming other than those that were around the house. Some of those that climbed over first near us and I aim the M21 and fire several rounds, dropping each as they near us. McKay had his machete out in his left hand and pistol aimed in his right.

We start to move to our right, to the west, to help us near where we'll be escaping to. I fire again at another zombie several yards away. More and more and coming over the fence. Once everybody is in the Hummer they will honk three times to let us know to run, but still, there is no honk and still more come piling over the fence. We are moving towards the far side of the field quicker now. I deplete my clip and take it out, swinging my bag around I grab a new one, placing the empty back in the bag. McKay is firing his pistol and I grab him another clip before closing the bag. I replace the magazine and fire again. They get closer and we are soon running to the far west fence. I turn and fire again at the zombies, now only twenty or thirty feet away.

I am about to fire again but hear the three honks. I fire several more times, swing my rifle around and take off at a sprint with McKay next to me. We get some distance between us when we reach the fence and I leap towards it, grabbing the top with my hands. My right hand buckles from the pressure and pain and I fall to the ground. McKay is swinging over.

"Common!" he yells. They are fifty feet away and running. I start to climb, ignoring the pain and breathing hard. McKay is firing his gun at them and soon I am over, swinging my body awkwardly over and tumbling to the ground. They hit the fence seconds after. We are running away and after only a few seconds more many have climbed over and are chasing us. I pull out my machete as we run. Ready to hack down any zombies that get near us. McKay does the same. He also holds his pistol.

He fires several shots behind us as we run and one connects with the head of a zombie. It tumbles over, tripping others but still they follow.

The sun is peaking over the mountains behind us as we run. I am starting to feel winded but continue on. Mckay is pulling further ahead. I resign myself to a steady quick-paced jog and am able to keep running and soon we see the Hummer parked by the school.

I see it before McKay. Out of a small side street a zombie comes dashing out towards McKay. I sprint forward to stop it but it tackles him, mouth open. I reach down and put my left hand over its mouth and pull up, lifting it off of McKay. It closes its mouth and catches my ring finger, biting down on it and breaking it. I can feel it as the zombie bites the rest of the way through. I scream and push the thing hard and to the ground while at the same time swinging my machete downward at its head. It connects.

I am bleeding bad, but we need to hurry. I press the finger into my side to help add pressure and stop the bleeding and run. The Hummer is driving towards us and I assume they saw the attack. It pulls to a stop and we quickly get in. McKay in the front, and me in the back, next to Charlotte who is ready with some bandages for whatever injuries we could have gotten. I take a piece of cloth she is holding and press it against my hand while she starts dressing it, being very careful not to get herself dirty. Josh is driving and speeds towards the Provo canyon highway. I lean back after Charlotte is done, thank her and stare out the window.

"I told you I could make it," I say to Dawn, turning my head to look at her in the passenger seat, smiling.

"You got lucky," she said, smiling, but probably a little annoyed. Josh drives down the long road leading through Provo Canyon and I close my eyes, catching my breath and trying my best to ignore the throbbing pain in my hand.

Day 46

There is plenty of food. Dry non-perishable food. We stayed the previous day and through the night with hundreds of zombies surrounding the house. This morning there are still many. Too many for us to handle alone.

McKay informed us that his (and Dawn's) parents are dead and that they had died to save him only days after the outbreak hit Utah. I comfort Dawn as McKay tells her this, but I feel that on some level she knew that it would be this way. It seems to be the way with life now. Death. Chad and Crystal and Clive, even my Grandparents in Oregon I know, (or feel) cannot be alive anymore. Not after we were attacked. Death is a key factor to life even more so now. It is what drives us and keeps us alive, and it is what we fear more than anything. Because no death in a world like this is going to be a good death.

There is a silence that follows McKay's story. No one can speak, and there is no noise, save a quiet sob coming from Dawn. I glance over and catch Josh holding Charlotte's hand as we each give an unintentional moment of silence for not only Dawn's parents, but all of those that we know who have died in this world, this dying world. As I sit, rubbing Dawns back and holding her hands I think of those things I was so adamant about in, what I now consider, my previous life. Global warming, evolution or gay rights seem so trivial now. Now it is only survival. That is all we have and all that we can possible hold on to.

"We need to leave," I say out loud suddenly.

"What," Josh replies, snapping out of his own thoughts. "I mean, how?"

"I'm going to sneak out the back and run into the field next to it. I'll fire a few rounds and let them come after me. Then, I'll run to . . ." I pause for a second, thinking of a place they can meet me, "the old high school."

"What?!" Dawn says, "No! What is something happens to you?"

"I'll be fine. I'm faster and it'll give you enough time to get away. I mean, they will get in eventually." And like clockwork there is a loud bang on the door.

"No," she says, "someone needs to go with you. This is ridiculous. I'm not letting you go alone."

"I'll go," McKay says.

"No!" Dawn says with finality. "No! C'mon, this is nuts. You'll have hundreds on you. Not only those out front but all of the others around the city."

"I'm betting on that being all of the ones that heard the gunshots from yesterday. I'm hoping thats most of them. I'll take the M21 and will be able to get through any that appear while I am running to the school."

"What about your leg?"

"It's fine. It doesn't hurt."

"And you hand?"

I wiggle my fingers to show that it isn't too bad, but as I wiggle them there is a stinging pain in my wrist that I mask. "We need to get out of here. We aren't safe. I don't want to risk anyone else's life so I am going to do it."

"I'm coming too," McKay says, and I don't object.

 "Fine," Dawn finally consents, "But not until tomorrow morning, while it is still dark."

"Why not tonight?" I ask.

"Because I don't want you to do this at all, but at least then you could get plenty of rest and I could have you here a bit longer."

I agree with her. Tomorrow morning, McKay and I will be distracting the zombies to help us escape and I am only fifty percent sure that something like this will work flawlessly.

Day 45

Heber is nothing like any of the cities we'd encountered. As we near the city we start to see them and Dawn begins to silently weep. Zombies are everywhere. Loitering, on the streets and in parks and buildings--everywhere. The city was in ruin, much like Salt Lake City. As we drove through the zombies, most came towards the car and banged on windows and doors. Some jumped up on the hood and tried braking the glass. I drive quickly through them, noticeably running over some. We eventually turn off of Main St. and travel up 500.

There are less zombies here and I pick up speed. down the road to get to Dawn's parents house. There are few zombies around and josh and I quickly dispose of them with our blades, not wanting to alert more to our location.

Josh and Charlotte stay outside while Dawn runs inside. I carry Seeley, and Connor runs in after Dawn. The house is dark from little direct sunlight in the early morning. It is cold and empty and gives an eerie presence, a foreboding that creeps through my skin and bones. The house had always been so warm, even in the Summer it was often times hotter inside than out and I feel myself missing that feeling of coziness--that warmth that would always be found in the walls.

We check each of the rooms but there is no sign of anyone. No sign of a struggle, and also no sign that they ever packed to leave. Both cars are in the garage as well. Dawn is obviously upset and I am not sure how to comfort her. And so, while holding Seeley, and her holding Connor, I hold her in their music room among the piano and couch and shelves.

"McKay's violin case is gone," she says suddenly, referring to her brother, who played violin.

"What?" I say, not sure what she means.

"It's gone. Why would it be gone?"

"You think he is still alive, somewhere?"

"He has to be. And if he is, maybe everyone else is."

There is a call from the front. It is Charlotte, "Uh, guys!? You may want to get out here."

We run out and see some thirty zombies walking towards our Hummer from different directions. Charlotte and Josh have obviously already killed a few. I run in front of Dawn, holding Seeley and place him in the car. Dawn does the same but then grabs the keys on the seat, puts them in her pocket and locks the doors to the Hummer. I reach in my bag and hand her a pistol, grabbing one for me as well and pulling out my machete.

We four stand in a semi circle, ready to fight off the oncoming horde of zombies. All at once, they are fully upon us and I fire several shots, and sever zombies fall. After my ammo is out I hold my machete ready, crouching slightly. I can already see Josh swinging his blade furiously, moving away from us to avoid any injury he could give us. I do the same as I hear a chainsaw start up off in the distance. However, I am forced to ignore it. I look over at Dawn. She has her arm over her mouth and nose, having obviously lost her mask while fighting and is still firing rounds at anything that gets close to the car and our children. I swing at the head of a zombie and watch as it rolls away towards Charlotte. She is tackled and I can see her frantically kicking to get the thing off.

I run over to her and kick the zombie off hard. I then stab my blade through its skull.

"Thanks," she says, replacing her mask with one in a side pocket.

"You have another?" I ask, pointing to Dawn. She hands me one and I run it over to Dawn who puts it on. To my left I see a zombie appear and I spin to see a chainsaw blade rip through its body, spraying blood which Dawn and I move out of the way of. The saw then moves up and rips the zombie in half from the torso up. It falls over and there is McKay, with a paint-ball mask and goggles covering his face. There is something different about him. He is not the fifteen year old I knew only months ago, but much more older, and not by choice. I smile and Dawn runs to hug him.

I quickly turn and start in on the remaining zombies. They scream that scream and I see, out of the corner of my eye, Josh slice one clean in half, stopping the scream abruptly. I hear McKay's chain saw rev up again and can hear it making its way through bodies. More and more begin coming, until we are forced back into the house. Josh and Dawn grab the kids as we hold the zombies off and finally we are in the house, bracing the doors with anything we can reach.

We were trapped in the house with zombies all around us, with McKay, alive.

Day 44

The signs say I-84 and we travel south-east, towards Utah. It is slow moving. Soon after our stop, cars began to appear once again on both sides of the highway. Now, the following morning the cars have grown more thick as we enter Salt Lake City.Because of the amount of cars we soon turn off of the freeway, hoping for better luck going through the city, and getting back onto the belt loop,on towards Heber City.

The city, like most we've seen, is ravaged and empty. There is snow lingering in the cold along the surprisingly empty streets and sidewalks. I see smoke rising from somewhere to the south but cannot see past the tall buildings what its source is. From experience, however, it seems that the more people we avoid, the better. As we pass by buildings we see windows broken, the glass littering the street. We turn down Main St. and see a wall with bloody stains lining the thing where people, I assume, were executed. I would guess that they had been bit, and were lined to be killed rather than allow them to change. I feel sick inside. That this is what humanity had digressed to.

I am reminded of the book Lord of the Flies, and the undertones that suggest that humanity, at its root, at its very primal instinctive state is evil. That when we are pushed beyond things we cannot comprehend we change. We look for power, or we disregard any moral standings we may have had at another time. We do anything to survive. As I think that, I know I am proof of that. I've killed, attacked, and destroyed in order to survive, or to further the survival of my family. So perhaps my morals have shifted. Now they dwell solely on how I can best keep myself and family alive. Nothing else matters.

There are other walls. Blood smeared vertically on them, but no bodies. I wonder if their attempts to stop them from changing worked and they simply removed the bodies, or, if the bullet to the head needed to be after they'd woken . . . or come back to life.

As we move east, up the incline of the mountain side that Salt Lake is built on the damage worsens. There are more cars, more busted in windows and signs of execution. Cars have been obviously set on fire as well as buildings. There is rubble and trash through the street and Dawn, who is driving, has to drive slow to get through the mess.

Josh is holding Connor, who is sleeping on his lap, and I hold Seeley, next to Josh. Charlotte, holding her rifle and with a mask over her face is staring out of the passenger window, looking for any movement. There is none. If all goes well, we should be able to make it to Heber within an hour or two. We move up 39th, and past the road Josh once lived on. He glances at it but makes no request to stop there. And so we press on.

We turn onto the road that will take us through Parley Canyon and to Heber when several men step out in front of us. Each has a weapon of some sort, bats, sticks, one or two machete's and one with nothing but his hands. Each wears a hospital mask. Dawn stops the car as they get closer to us. Josh places Connor in the middle seat gently, and I, moving closer to the door, do the same with Seeley. I then grab a pistol our of my back and open the door.

"Stay in the car!" one with a bat yells. He is close to twenty feet away. I continue out and raise my gun to his head. Josh and Charlotte have done the same. They immediately back off, holding their hands up.

"Drop your weapons!" Charlotte yells. They do as she says. "Pull off your shirts." She says as she walks towards them. They look around at each other so she repeats her instructions. They do as she says. She then has them strip to their underwear and throw them away from them."Now spin!"

I can't help but snicker, as the men each spin idiotically in the cold. Charlotte turns and looks at me, grinning, "Had to make sure none had another weapon." We walk to where they dropped their weapons and pick them up. Charlotte still holding her gun against them.

"Walk!" She yells again. They start to walk away, wrapping their arms around their torso's. Not wanting the extra weapons with us, especially because they will do us know good, we stash them in a nearby building. Charlotte watches them until they are out of view.

"Don't you think that was a bit cruel?" Josh asks her.

"Not at all. They were going to steal our car in the best case scenario, I think they deserved it. They aren't going to die. They'll just be a bit cold until they find new clothes or come back for these ones."

I am reminded on my thoughts on the necessity of survival. We do what we need to survive.

* * *

The drive is slow through the canyon. There are still cars, but less so, and so we make it through slowly. There are no zombies in site, but that means little to me anymore. It seems as though they are getting smarter, adapting. And so, for all we know, they never appear because they know they can't get to us. I have no way of knowing. All I can know is what I observe. And all I observe is that there are a lot of empty cars, but no zombies and no people.

We arrive at Park City after sun set and decided to move in and sleep for some hours and also grab something to eat. There is a Hotel Inn just as we pull off and we make our way into the building. I carry Connor, who is awake, and curiously looking around. I hold him tight. And make my way into the building with everyone else.

Day 43

I notice things I didn't before. There is something about everything falling apart that brings clarity and peace you your mind when you need it the most. You are able to see those moments arise and take advantage of them when they come.

It began snowing during the night. It was so simple and unique. Connor and Seeley stare out of the window as the large flakes fall, and fly past the windows. They have seen snow before, of course, but again, there is something renewing in seeing it again. And I know the boys can feel it. 

We pull over and I step out, holding Seeley in a coat stored in the back, and Connor in the same. Charlotte and Josh and Dawn get out and we play. I throw my head back and stick my tongue out, showing Connor how to catch snow flakes. The snow sticks to the road and grass lining the street and we make foot prints in it, Chasing each other, making snow-angles as well as a weak attempt at a snow man. The boys loved it and so we loved it too. And slowly, almost without noticing we change. We change into something more than survivors. Because through all of the cynicism that comes from such a life we are able to see past the initial goals. We see as children see and find that the complexities are meaningless. 

The boys, laughing and smiling spend the day with us, playing and forgetting Boise, and the zombies through California. We follow their lead and for a day. For one short day we are free. I cannot forget this day.

Day 42

It is the fourth day since the city was barricaded and there is not a sound in the city. We had first assumed that this was because the military forces had pulled out, but as the sun rose and we could see the city, we knew they had simply lost.

Tanks litter the street, here or there. We watched one burn but could not tell what would have caused that. Buildings were crumbled and those erected had bullet holes scattered around them. Some had large brown-red stains on them from the blood of zombies or humans and I get the impression that during a quarantine human life means little. And that, life, is the eeriest part about viewing this war ravaged city. There are no bodies. Only indications that bodies had been, at one time, present in different locations. Like the blood stains. But, from where we watched, a five story window, there is no movement and no signs of humanity.

Josh and I watch for some time and finally decide to go down to take a look at things before we all leave. We climb the stairs down, stoping at each floor, because we had heard others were in the building. There was no answer and so we assumed that they must have left, or think zombies can talk.

The streets are gray, matching the sky above us and building around about. I have my back pack on, with machete, and the M21 in my hands. Josh has only his M4. It is quiet save for the wind and occasional rustle of paper as it blows by. The quiet is unsettling. Yesterday we witnessed a war zone and today, it is as if God himself came down and wiped everything out it is silent. Cars are scattered throughout the roads, abandoned by those that occupied them, fleeing for their lives, or trying to find another way out of town.

I turn and look up to where Dawn and Charlotte are watching, out the window. I give a thumbs up and turn, to continue on.

I walk forward, aware of the noise I make as I walk. It makes me nervous. Nervous because of what I've seen happen to those who thought they were alone. Perhaps there is a zombie waiting for us in one of the door ways, just out of sight. We turn a corner and some hundred feet from us is a zombie, just standing, similar to the one I had seen those days we spent in the California hospital. Josh raises his rifle, but as he does something tackles both of us and pulls us down behind a car. As I hit the ground underneath him I grab the hilt of my machete and pull it from its sheath.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," the man whispers as I raise the thing. "What the hell are you two doing?"

"What?" I say, not sure how he wants me to respond. Surviving?

"You can't just shoot the thing. I mean," he looks at us as though we're little children, "hell! Do you really want every walker within a square mile to be on top of you?"

"Does everyone call them walkers?" Josh says rhetorically to me, referring to Charlotte's preferred name for them. "I mean . . . it's clearly a zombie."

"Are you kidding me? What the hell does it matter what I call them?" We don't respond, but stand back  up. "Get down!"

"Dude, we are here to see how everything looks. We have family we're going to get out of the city."

"You obviously don't know what these things do."

I sigh, and am about to explain that we do know, when a man runs out into the street with, what is obviously a cheap knock-off sword, he is aiming a blow at the zombie, still standing there. The thing is fast, faster than I'd ever seen one move. It ducks as his blade swings across where its neck use to be and pounces on him. Instantly and out of no where more come out and begin eating him alive. He screams and I want to rush in, but know that it would be unwise. I turn to the man who had tackled us but he is running the other way when suddenly he too is jumped be more of the things.

Josh and I both press our backs against the car. I sheath my machete and clutch my rifle in front of me, looking side to side. I can hear Josh breathing heavily and notice my heart is beating wildly in my throat. I watch silently as the man gets eaten by at least five of the things. I can hear the man behind me.

"I think our best bet is to move quickly and quietly around them and try to get back," Josh says, "If there are more we'll just have to shoot 'em."

"And then run like Hell," I add, knowing that if we fire our weapons many will hear and come to the sound.

I move first to another car and crouch down. They are still focused on the now mangled and dead man. They will give up soon and I know we need to move quicker but I can't bring myself to it.

"Come on," Josh says and I move forward, reluctantly. I move my rifle back and forth. Aiming at the group, and then the buildings lining the sidewalks. There is no movement. Suddenly there is a loud bang to my right, and looking over, Josh is firing at several zombies running quickly towards him. I fire and look behind me, more are coming out. I keep firing, swinging away from Josh.

"RUN!" I yell, and we both take off sprinting around the corner and into a building across the street. We go in through the door and I fire several rounds just before it is closed. We brace ourselves against it, and when they hit the door it throws us back towards a lobby area. I can see a sign pointing towards stairs and, grabbing Josh by his shirt run towards the sign and follow it down the hall. The zombies right behind us. I fire several more shots and swing the gun around me, pulling out my machete.

We race up the stairs to the top floor. We open the door and find a maintenance area just below the roof. I quickly look around, looking for an access door, or something that leads to the roof. The door behind us swings open and one comes through. I slice downward and cleave his skull. I pull the blade out, kicking the thing away and close the door again. There is a deadbolt on it, and I spin the lock. Josh is looking around but sees no access to the roof either. 

"Shit," I say, "now what?"

"I don't know . . ."

They are banging on the door now but the door doesn't budge. I think, looking around the room. There are vents in the walls that show some light coming through. There are, as well, elevator lift cranes and other boxes that I don't know what they do. I go over to the vents and with the machete, try prying them from the wall. They are screwed in. I grab my pistol and shoot it out.

Josh is watching the door. It still is not budging but occasionally it gives a very slight splintering noise.The screen falls and I look through the hole. It is a straight drop. However, it is only a few feet to the roof. It is the only way we can escape, but once on the roof, then what? Where would we go?

I hear gun shots coming from somewhere on the ground. I stick my head back out and look around but do not see anything. More gun shots. Suddenly I see our hummer, the window open with Dawn standing out of the window firing shots, trying to distract the zombies. Charlotte is driving.

It seems to work very quickly. The banging instantly stops and we can hear them moving down. I open the door and there are several zombies, dead, on the stairs. Trampled by the others. We run down the stairs following a ways behind the zombies that are running towards our Hummer. They all filter out the front door and run down the street towards the sound the gun shots.  We follow, but stop at the front door and wait, both of our guns out. The Hummer speeds around a corner and is alone.

"Time to go," Charlotte says, pulling up. We both get in and take off down the road and out of the city.

Day 41

I did not sleep well. It was the same dreams, but mixed with waking up with pain in my leg. I have Charlotte look at it and she says it may be infected. We have no antibiotics and so she and Josh leave again to find some broad spectrum antibiotics.

Dawn is standing by the window, holding Seeley who has fallen asleep. I am amazed that she is still able to get him to take him daily naps. Connor is at a table, reading one of the books Josh had got him, making up the words according to what he's heard us read to him. For a moment, it almost seems as if we are back home. There is a deep swelling of homesickness in my stomach and I long for it. I long for the normality. The work and school and homework; stressing about tests or finals. But now, all there is, is survival.

I sit down near Dawn and go about sharpening my machete. We talk. Not about anything important, but just about stuff. About movies and restaurants, or her families reunion where we would go camping for a week. It's hard to talk about, but also easy. It seems to flow out and we soon find ourselves talking deeply about topics we use to.

Outside there was still violence. The amount of people we saw diminished quickly. Now, an occasional zombie would walk around, maybe a human, but not often. There were still many signs of fighting going on, trying to contain the infection. I suspect that within a day or so we can make it out of the city. There are still fires throughout the city as well, smoke rises dark black. Dawn and I stand, silent, watching the apocalyptical scene unfold.

I hear something from outside the door. Dawn runs to Connor, whispering in his ear. I grab my machete and move towards the door, opening it slightly. I look down the hall and see Josh come through the stairwell door, Charlotte just behind him. She is obviously in a state of anxiety. Dawn comes out as well as she looks at he shirt, now bloody, and at her mask which has bloody flakes on it. He takes it off and replaces it with a new one. She then pulls her unbuttoned jacket off and literally rips her shirt from off of her. Josh and I look away and she storms into another room. She turns on the shower, I hear a squeak from the knob, and surprisingly water starts pouring. I hear her scream from excitement and assume the water is cold. If it's gas it should warm up.

I look at Josh, "Maybe you should take one too."

"Yeah," he looks down at his body. "We ran into some trouble at the pharmacy, but got you some stuff. Charlotte has it in her bag, so . . ."

"It's fine. Hop in another shower and wash that blood and sweat off so she feels more comfortable and then we'll deal with that."

* * *

They brought me pain killers as well. I take them and soon feel drowsy. The sky is darkening and so I let myself drift off into sleep. Connor comes near me and reads me a story from one of his books. I smile at him and put my hand softly on his leg.

"Thanks, buddy." I say, "I love you."

"I love you," he says, and then continues his story and I fall asleep.

Day 40

There were several others living in the building. On lower floors. We made out way to the top in order to give us a good view. After going up and down five floors several times to get the supplies out of the Hummer my leg begins to ache as well as my broken, or nearly broken fingers. By the last trip, (three total), Josh is carrying most stuff and I am limping, using only one arm to haul up supplies.

We then do our best to barricade the stairwell doors, using furniture we found in several other rooms and wedging it against the door. We have enough food for several days, even longer if we make it last, and it won't be too much of a hassle to remove the furniture.

We choose a room that faces east and south to see the majority of the city around us. There is chaos everywhere. The infection spreads faster than I thought possible. There are fires in many locations and soon we start to hear gun fire. The zombies screams also echo through the city, mixing with those of others. They are muted for the most part, but occasionally, even with the windows closed we hear them loudly and know that someone is being attacked outside. The sense of fear, then, is overwhelming.

The first day we do nothing but sit around. Charlotte is irate and paranoid. She no longer has her gas mask and is not satisfied with one of the medical ones that Seeley and Dawn are and have been wearing. Seeley is still weak, and barely eating. I can tell he is getting better, but I think he was affected the most. And having to rely on others for food makes it harder for him to recoup.

* * *

We sit around through the day, listening to gun fire and screams. We check out side occasionally, but there is not a lot going on near us. Down town, and towards the facility we were held, from what we can see, look to be the most heavily occupied and where the fighting is going on. I watch as a tank rolls by our building and it shakes the window frames. I watch it turn and fire. At what, I cannot imagine. I see no explosion or any point of impact and assume the target was further than I thought.

The fires blaze brighter at night. They are everywhere in the city now and it only adds to the apocalyptic atmosphere that this city has grown into. One of the last, I suspect, to have no infection, and now we have a front row ticket to the show.

I suppose that I feel, on some level, that it is my fault that this broke out on the city, but it doesn't affect me in the same way many of the other deaths I've witnessed did. Maybe it is too broad and vast for me to clearly comprehend, or maybe I feel that those doing the experiments brought this on themselves and so blame them. However, I do not feel the guilt I felt when killing that man on the highway so long ago, or even Crystal, or Clive, or Chad's death. They mean something to me and so they affect me. These are unfortunate deaths that I can do little about.

I volunteer the first watch that night and sit in a chair by the window. I stare out, watching the street in front of us and watch as an occasional wanderer is attacked by multiple zombies. And as I watch I notice something. They work together. They are not completely mindless killers but coordinate their attacks. It still looks sloppy, and maybe it is, but there are definite markers of a plan. This thought, above almost any other, terrifies me.

I wake Charlotte at one o'clock in the morning and lay down next to Dawn. I am tired but my mind races. My leg still aches along with my hand but I try to ignore them, soon closing my eyes and falling asleep.

Day 39

I do not sleep all night. There is chaos in the city. Sirens blare through the cold night and there are lights, indicating several fires. People riot and run equally. The zombies escaped the compound we had been in and are in the city. We are parked in the same garage we had been in that first night after escaping. We grabbed food and water from the back of the Hummer and feed Dawn, Charlotte and Seeley. Waking each up to make sure the eat. It takes some time to feed them and get them to drink, but eventually each is filled and sleeping, color already coming back to their faces.

I flex my fingers as Josh and I sit in the Hummer, Connor on my lap, discussing options on getting out of the city. Neither of us know what the borders look like, except for the one we came in through. I was unconscious and Josh says there is not much to see. They passed into the city and drove for ten or so minutes before arriving. We could go out the way we came, however, we want to travel east and south. If we can get out, we need to get out on the East of the city.

* * *

Everyone is still sleeping, I am holding Connor and Josh is driving us out of the city. The chaos is growing. I have yet to see a zombie and still people are running as if they have come in the thousands to destroy the city. Many try to get into the Hummer with us. All it takes to get them off, however, and at least at this point, is a wave of my gun. I know, that soon, that will not matter.

As we move through the city, and a slow rate to avoid hitting anyone, the chaos grows. We see a zombie for the first time in the city near down town. The thing is dressed in normal clothes and heavily scarred. There is a gash across its leg and it is obvious by the lack of flesh on its arm that a zombie had killed it by eating off of that arm. It is running after a man who had been carrying a protesters sign. It is ironic, and the sign says, "Zombies are people too." I want to laugh, but can't bring myself to, which is probably for the better. Josh stops the car, gets out and fires several rounds towards the thing. He hits its head and it dies. The man running from it stops and, resting his hands on his knees, panting, nods towards Josh in thanks.

He gets back in the car and continues driving through the crowds. There are more and more cars on the road. People trying to escape the city, trying to get out with anything and everything they could. I can tell Josh is getting anxious with more and more people, which brings more and more violence. I lean over and set Connor between Dawn and the door, making sure the door is locked. I then grab my pistol and rest it on my lap, still holding it cautiously.

We follow the main road, and occasional Highway sign but things are slowing down. Soon we are at a standstill with people all around us running and fighting. I spot another zombie tackle someone, but no one helps they stand back and watch or run.

"Lock the doors after me," I say, and step out of the car. I have my M21 in hand and run to where the zombie is. I shoot it in the head and kill it. The woman it had tackled does not look to be bitten or have any blood on her that would compromise her and so I let her be. I turn back to where Josh is sitting idle and run back. There are people all around and I can see a lot of commotion up the street. I hold my finger up to Josh, indicating for him to wait and run up the street.

There is a light drizzle as I run and I can see that it will only be getting worse. The sky is dark and gray with low clouds. I can see in the distance areas where it is raining harder and expect that to be here soon. I run up the road for nearly half a mile when I see them. Military tanks, soldiers. It's impossible. How could they have this type of military force. There is a blockade stopping cars from leaving the city. I run up to it to speak with one of the men standing at the barricade.

"What is going on?" I ask.

"We're quarantining the city," he says shortly, blowing me off quickly.

"Where'd the tanks and soldiers come from?"

"We recruited army personnel after the outbreak, in order to keep quarantine if such an outbreak happened here. These are all civilian volunteers."

"The tanks?" he ignores me. "How is it you have so many tanks?"

"Sir, I am going to have to ask you to leave now." I look at him, and he looks at my rifle. I grip it tighter and walk away.

The rain starts to fall harder and when I get back to the Hummer I am drenched. Josh is helping Dawn take a drink of water. Charlotte is awake and eating and Seeley also has a cracker in either hand. "We need to get somewhere safe," I say. They've quarantined the city, but I can only see this ending badly."

"Wait, what?" Josh says, "Wouldn't quarantining just make more zombies?"

"I don't think they want to let it get out. But I don't think  they know what it is like out there. With no communication or anything they may think that there are a lot of other cities like this one."

"If only they could see Sacramento."

We pull out of the line and drive slowly another direction, looking for a good place to weather through this. The chaos around us is growing and we know we need to hurry, but there is little we can do. Occasionally, someone will jump on the car, trying to get us out. Once Josh got out, put his gun to the mans head and said something to him. The man got off, looked in, and then walked away. The further away from downtown we got the less people were there. Or maybe it was just this section of the city.

Dawn spotted a building, a few stories high and looked like a hotel. He drove to it and found it to be abandoned with a sign on the door saying they'd left town. I broke in through a window and let the rest in. We'd later move the supplies up and wait. Wait for everything to explode and then die into a dead city like Sacramento, or Reno or Medicino.

Day 38

I spend much of the day looking through the local buildings that are near the testing facility we were in. It is a long process. I go into each building and check each floor. One at a time. Calling out to them. Opening countless doors. But there is no sign of them. There are several buildings still in use. Corporations still working on different projects or other companies doing things that I assume are meant to get them ahead during a zombie take over. It makes little sense to me, but then again, business always has. Other buildings are in use by charity organizations, rebels and rioters, or protesting headquarters. I ask questions about what's happened in the country, and ask about my wife, but they seem to be less informed than I am in the state of things, and have not seen two women and a baby.

I decide to go back and spend the last hour of daylight with Connor. I've checked the buildings with no sign of them and feel that I need to say goodbye to him, just in case. I bring a dinner that I stole. It's nothing like a chicken, but I am able to smuggle dry Ramen noodles and some juice. Connor's face lights up to the purple drink and asks if he can pour it. For a moment I feel like I am back at home, fighting him to let me pour the very full bottle of juice. I let him pour this one into the plastic cups we find in the building. I give him a hug before I go, and tell Josh not to try to find me if I don't come back and to take care of Connor. He wheezes an acknowledgement and I leave, saying goodbye one more time. Telling him I love him.

* * *

No one leaves. I don't know what I expected, car's leaving filled with people going home, the staff decreasing. But in a city like this, normal behavior is far from what it was less than two months ago. As I walk closer to the building, out of an alley way a man appears with a knife. I raise my rifle at him and just stare.

"It's cool, Man." He says, raising his hands. I notice he doesn't drop the knife.

"Leave it." I motion the rifle to his hand, pointing to the knife. He drops it and walks away. I grab the knife and throw it in a drain, lining the curb. There is a fence with barbed wire around it and a single whole of fallen down chain link where we had driven the hummer through. It has not been fixed. I walk across it, the rifle in front of me. It is dark and I am unable to see movement as I walk up to the building. There is a guard building and I look in it as I walk by it from a distance. No one is in it.

I run up and get to the entrance, or exit, that we had taken to get to the Hummer. There are lights on, some flickering, that light up the hallway with white neutrality. I do not hear any movement, however, I am still a ways away from where we were held. The rifle is in front of me as I walk and I sight down in. But still I see no one.

The halls that we were held in are now void of Chad's body, which I am grateful for, however there is still a large blood stain on the floor where he fell and a streak of blood for some feet, showing the direction he was dragged. I feel like throwing up. Not from the gore, but from the fact that what I am seeing was from Chad. A light flickers and I jump, turning towards the light. I remember then smashing the vile of blood on Doctor Grants skin. And I realize he could be in here.

One thing I've realized over these events are that the zombies are most deadly when alone. They are quiet and patient, it seems. They attack using surprise. It is when they are in a group that they become predictable and loud. I walk slowly, tuning around the hall, checking each and every door for any signs of them. On the second hall, the same Connor was on, there is a room that looks used. It is the first, other than those I, Connor, Josh and Chad were in, that has any indication of someone being in it. There is one other. Empty as well. With there being two, it gives me hope that Seeley had been in the same room as Dawn. My room's door is empty and Doctor Grant is not in it. Anxiously, I look around.

There is a second story to the building that I had noticed from the outside. I go into the stairwell and the lights are off. I do not have a light and so try locking the door open. It gives a little light, but not much by the time I am up on the second level.

This level is dark. Not like the stairwell, there are some windows, but they are few. Most of the light filters through windows on some of the doors. I creep along as quietly as possible. My nerves are getting the better of me and I jerk around at random times, feeling as though someone or something is behind me, following me. I can feel the eyes, but each time I turn there is nothing, (from what I can see), there.

I can see where the hall turns to the right and there is a flickering light coming from that hallway. It only comes on for several seconds, blinking as it does so, not allowing a steady stream of light. As I near the hall I notice papers littering the floor, documents typed out as well as many hand written. There is a knocked over tray with food, crackers and some meat with juice lying on the floor. I check each room, but do not see them, or any signs of them.

I round the corner slowly, looking down the length of the hall. It is dark, the flickering light has stopped. There is less light coming through the rooms and I try opening my eyes more to allow more light in. It doesn't help. My rifle is in front of me, ready to fire, but I have lowered it slightly to have a better view. I look in the first doors window, but there is only a small room--office looking.

I turn back and look down the hall. The light flickers again and in the brief light I see the silhouette of a man some distance down the hall. The light goes out again and I let out a quick scream, realizing what I just saw. I hear rustling and can see the light on the left hand side of the hall blink out and come back as something blocks the light from hitting the wall briefly. I stumble backwards, trying to get my rifle up and fire. The rounds are loud and echo through the hall. Each of which lights the hallway for a second. I can see the figure running towards me and I try to aim in the dark. I hear it scream, but whether it is from me hitting it I cannot tell.. I fire several times more and hear it stumble and land hard on the ground. I walk towards it, and see it as the light flickers again. It is starting to get up. It is in a guards uniform, but most definitely a zombie I quickly aim, and in the dark fire at where I think its head should be.

I hear it drop from its arms and slump over, dead.

Instantly, I know why the guard is a zombie, and I know there are more in the building. And, I know that they heard the shots.

There is banging coming from somewhere down the hall. It is faint, but I can hear it. I move closer, not sure of the source and as I do I hear a faint voice, almost a whisper. "Help." There is another voice and I know it instantly, it is Dawn.

I hurry down the hall, still attempting to be cautious. I can hear them louder now and I start checking each of the rooms. I find the one the banging is coming from and look in the window. Dawn, Charlotte and Seeley are there. They see me and start to cry. Seeley is in Dawns arms and looks dead. Panicking, I check the door. It is obviously locked, and after getting them to go up against the wall I fire a round at the lock. The door swings open.

No one gets up as I rush in. I give Dawn a hug and inquire about Seeley. He is alive, but only just barely. They've had some water but no food in almost three days, they tell me. Each is week. I have a water bottle in my bag and I get it out, allowing each of them to drink. Seeley wakes briefly and drinks. He starts to cry.

"Shit," Charlotte swears, "they'll hear the crying."

"They've already heard my gun. Can you guys walk?"

Dawn nods but doesn't speak. They look frail, as though there is almost nothing left of them.

"OK," I hand Charlotte a pistol from my bag, Dawn carries Seeley in both arms and we leave, going slow. I am alert and move from the front to the back regularly. I hear no movement other than ours and assume that anything on this floor has filtered down to the first. However, as I am thinking this I hear rustling behind us and I turn to see something running directly towards us.

"Keep going," I say as I wheel around them and soon start firing. We are near the stairwell and the light in the hall is better. I kill the thing as another comes around the corner. This one stumbles several times before getting back up. I fire several bullets and drop it when it is only a few yards away.

There are shots in the stairwell. I run towards them and by the time I get down the stairs they are out and walking as fast as they can down the hall. At the bottom of the stairwell is a zombie, head blown in. I chase after them, and lead them out of the building. It is dark outside, the only light coming from bright lamps around the building.

Charlotte passes out as we go down towards the fence and I pick her up, cradling her as I walk along side Dawn.

"Are you OK? You gonna make it?"

She is panting, and even in the sparse light I can see that she is very pale. "Yeah, I think I'll be OK as long as it is close."

"It is." I stop as I hear screams coming from the building. It is that same scream that I've heard so often. That which comes from the zombies. We need to run, but can't. I throw Charlotte over my shoulder and raise my weapon up, firing several times, hoping Josh will see and help us.

I see headlights in front of us. We are running and I can tell Dawn has little energy left. They pull out of the alley our Hummer was in and move towards us. It is Josh. Dawn collapses but turns her body, holding onto Seeley as she does. I stop, put Charlotte down near her and check her. She's breathing and so is Seeley. Charlotte as well looks in a bad state, but is breathing. I hear the scream mixed with the accelerating engine. I see several zombies running towards us as fast as they can. I start to fire at them as Josh pulls up. Connor is in the passenger seat, buckled in awkwardly.

"Grab them," I yell as I fire once more. Josh gets out and grabs Charlotte, the closest to him, first, placing her in a seat. He then picks up Seeley and lays him on the back seat. Dawn is next and as Josh and I get in zombies are on us, just as we close the door. I buckle everyone in and hold Seeley as Josh turns the car around and heads away from the building and away from where we had stayed for nights, before.