Day 18

Chad and I sit on the couch in the early morning hours. He is holding the pistol in his hands, looking at it. Preparing for what he will inevitably have to do. I sit, one leg crossed over the other, reading a book I had pulled from the book self. Cat's Cradle, by Kurt Vonnegut. Using a flashlight I found in a drawer for light. I had started reading it once, but for some reason stopped. It was his outcry against nuclear weapons. It underlined the damage that would happen in a world where there was nuclear war. It's interesting the comparisons I could make between that world and this one, covered in zombies with no hope of humanity rebuilding. The damage is too great. Now all we have to do is survive.

I want to talk, but am not sure what to say. I think he feels the same way. I think it is a subject that needs to be dropped. I can tell it is eating him from the inside out. I turn to him but take several seconds to say anything.

"Are we OK?" I ask. It takes him longer than I would have liked for him to say anything, but finally, he starts to talk.

"We are. I was angry at myself, I think, and took it out on you. I know you had a hard choice to make and I only made it worse. It's just . . . I should have been there. If I was, maybe . . . maybe I could have saved them." He goes quiet for a long time. I wait patiently, but after some minutes I eventually go back to by book, flicking the light on. The room is growing brighter, but it not yet bright enough to easily read in.

Chad stands up and paces.

"I feel guilty," he says. "I feel guilty because I think that maybe it is better. Maybe it really is better to be dead. Maybe Jacob is lucky that soon he'll be dead and away. I miss them so much. It's unbearable, but at least now I don't need to worry about keeping them safe." He stops abruptly and listens. Nothing. "But I wish so much that they were here. I wish I was protecting them." He stops again, and this time I heard it too. Grunts and then scrapping on the door upstairs. I move the flashlight beam up the steps and try and see around the turn to the door that he is in. All I can see is the wall leading towards the door that contains Jacob; now a zombie.

There is a bang. It is loud and solitary, echoing through the house. Another follows it and a yell, gargling and putrid sounding. As though at the moment of the yell the creature had thrown up. Another bang, and with this one was splintering of wood. Chad checks the safety on the gun and pulls the hammer back. The banging grows more aggressive and louder. Josh  comes out with his own gun and my machete, handing the later to me.

We three stand there, listening to the growing anger from the zombie. "Did you lock the door," Josh asks Chad as the banging continues and the splintering grows more frequent and louder.

"No," he says smiling, "I put a child lock on it."

We all laugh in spite of ourselves until we hear the final splintering sound and the door fall to the ground. I shine the light up towards the top of the stairs. I see his hand groping the wall, leaving a bloody streak along its white surface. Finally, Jacob, the zombie, comes to the top of the stairs. His face is smeared with the blood he had most likely thrown up and much of it had dribbled down his chin and onto his shirt. Upon seeing us it let out a piercing yell and leaped down the flight of stairs. Several rounds are fired, one of which, (I am not sure whose it was) catches his head and as he hit a bottom step he crumples into a heap.

It is still Jacob. Even behind the dark gore that covers his body it is him. I can see the look in Chad's eyes as well as Josh's. This man, only hours ago had been different. Or that is what we need to tell ourselves in order to protect one another. We all knew that he was dead and then brought back--somehow--but that didn't change that we had to kill our companion and friend. There is a moment of silence that passes. It is easy to forget that each of these zombies was once a human.

There is a yell outside. That horrible, haunting scream. As if these zombies cannot control their anger and must unleash something. It continues and we can tell there are many out side of the townhouse.

"We need to move," I say. "How's your arm?"

Josh looks down at his arm absentmindedly. "I think it's fine. Hurts a bit, but that's all."

"OK, lets go."

There is a window in the upstairs portion that can get us to the roof. I glance into the room Jacob had been in as we pass it and move to the next. There is blood covering the walls and floor. The splintered door shows a hinge still attached at the bottom. Twisted and broken. I go into the other room and see Chad climbing out of a window, getting onto the roof. Josh follows and I last.

Outside, the sky has grown lighter, the sun is peaking through buildings. For a moment I am caught up in the blue sky. I haven't looked up in some time and it is nice to do for now.

The zombies are no longer screaming, but are still easily heard as their numbers grow continually beneath us. I hear a crunch and it is obvious that they have broken in.

We run from the window and down the roof tops of the connected town homes. It doesn't seem as if any have noticed our movement and soon we break a window and carefully climb into the abandoned home. The room is pink, filled with dolls and papers with pictures of a young girls family or pets hung on one wall. Chad leads the way and pulls open the door, walking our quickly. The layout of the home is the same as the one we had come from but reversed. Down the stairs and through the kitchen, Chad exits through the back door. Holding his gun in front of him, he eases open the back door and looks around. There is an ally way with a fence and some storage boxes next to the building. No zombies in sight, however.

We pull some of the storage containers over to the fence and quickly jump over. There are more back alley ways of town homes. We run away from where the zombies are.

I take the lead, my rifle strapped to my back and machete out, ready to dispatch of any zombies without drawing them all towards us with a gunshot. Chad as well has his sword out. I lead us to a main road and turn onto it, still running at a quick pace. Soon I see what I am looking for. A small gas station on the corner of an intersection.

I run to the building and without checking if it is safe I open the doors and go in. Chad and Josh wait outside, not asking questions, but keeping a lookout. Near the front, next to the cash register is a stand with some books, movies and at the very top a map of Sacramento. I then walk out side and hand it to Josh, requesting that he open it. I walk over to where there are several pay phones lines up and grab a phone book, hanging by a cord beneath the phone.

I flip to the "N"'s and run my finger down the list. "Chad . . . can you look for fifty-eighth street?"

There is a moment's pause while he and Josh look over the large map. "Got it," Chad says, placing his finger on the map.

"OK, and we're on . . . Fruitridge road. Can you . . ."

"Got it, we're kinda close. What's on 58th?"

"National Guard building."

* * *

It takes us two hours to get to the building. It was not as clear moving as it had been getting to the gas station. Zombies roamed unaware throughout the streets which slowed our pace down greatly. The building was near a university, but I am not sure which one and have not seen a sign indicating the school name.

We find the building and quickly break into it. Remembering Ray, I kick the door open and check cautiously inside. Nothing. At least not in this lobby. It takes us several minutes to find the small armory. Josh and I grab several boxes of ammo, and a few clips while Chad picks out a similar M4 to Josh's.

We stay the night. There are beds in one of the rooms and we decide before heading out we should get well rested. We first work on barricading the doors. There are several tables we break down to wedge the doors shut. The windows are all barred which is convenient and soon, after feeling secure we each move to the beds. There is light still shining out of the windows  but it does not prevent me, or Josh or Chad from quickly falling asleep.