Day 51

Ann and Dean insist that we give Lauren a proper burial. It was first thing in the morning when they requested Josh, McKay and my help to dig a grave for her and I accepted reluctantly. Or rather, mostly because there was little else to do with the body. All other times one that had been with us had died we needed to leave. But not this time.

It takes the better part of the day to dig the grave and as we do so, in our fenced in back yard we listen for signs or sounds of others out there. There is an odd melancholy in the air that bites at our backs as we dig this grave that seemed to represent a final resting place for all of those that had died. For Ray and Jacob, Crystal and Clive and Chad, and even for the man who I had accidentally killed a lifetime ago. None were buried, and now that I think on it, more than half were killed by me. Some, like Ray, it was a mercy. A blessing. I prevented him from a long and painful death. But what of the others? I don't know. What I do know is that I will never be rid of the dreams and that I will always remember each and every one of them.

The sheets that Lauren is buried are bloody and so Josh and I handle them, along with lowering the body into the ground. Charlotte makes everyone where a mask and no one declines, although I can tell some are annoyed by the idea.

As the sun sets Dean and Ann say a few words about their friend and I catch Dawn cry, and I soon come to find that I am crying too, because there is some measure of peace in this ceremony for all those that have died. And for all those that have died and returned again as something different.

We bury her into the night and slowly file back into the house where it is safe. Each finding their own place to sleep, Dawn and I with our kids, and we all sleep, receiving the rest needed for tomorrow. Finally we will be on our way south, to Saint George.

Day 50

I walk alone to a gas station. Lauren had been coughing worse and so I look for something to ease the pain. I throw cough syrups and mild pain killers into a bag. The store has obviously been raided, however, there are still many different medications sitting on the shelves or on the floor. The day is windy and overcast.  I have a feeling it is going to snow. I readjust my M21 as I start to walk out of the store but stop abruptly and look over to my left. Finally, after a moments thought I walk over to the counter, grab another bag and fill it with whatever candy is left in the gas station.

I walk back in silence, my gun slung around my back and machete in hand. There is a strong breeze from the east that rattles the plastic bags in my left hand. My ring finger aches along with my right hand and leg. I have a slight limp to my step but try to ignore it on my short walk.

I near the house and see movement to my left, in the Catholic church. I look towards it but there is nothing there and I continue on.

Suddenly, from behind I am tackled to the ground. I try to roll, or pull the thing off of me but it is strong. I can feel its mouth near by neck and I snap my head back, cracking its forehead. There is a moment where it moves back and I quickly spin around, throwing it off of me. I roll back and get to my feet quickly, holding my machete. It runs quickly towards me and I do not have time to react by the time it has grabbed my arm and sunk it's teeth into it. Before It can rip a piece of my arm off, however I cleave the machete into its skull. Brain and blood come from the wound and I pull out and its body falls limply to the ground.

I see another movement to my left and as I look there are three more zombies running towards me. I stand still and as one nears I swing hard downwards and stick the machete in its skull. I yank it out just in time to stab the seconds eye and kick the thing towards the third. It dodges the body and my blade as it spins around, coming at me now from the right. I hear a scream coming from the house as it actually punches me. I'm not sure if it was intentional, but I stumble backwards, surprised at the blow. I swing my machete up and stick it in its chin. It is not high or deep enough to kill it and it moves forward, my blade still in its jaw. I yank it out and up, going through the throat and head, and pushing hard, force it into the skull, killing the thing. I do not wait and quickly grab the bags with a bloodied hand from the bite, and run towards my house. I throw the blade into the grass as I get to my door, not wanting the blood to spread, and watch as Josh pulls the trigger of his gun, killing Lauren, who has obviously made the change from human to zombie.

Her friends cry out in alarm, but it is too late, and it is the only thing we can do.

I spend the rest of the day cleaning everything in the house. Making sure that the disease that infected her does not spread to anyone else. All those not immune spend the day in the two bedrooms, while Josh and I clean. It is tedious work, but by the time the sun sets we finish. I go outside to see several zombies loitering, (probably from the gun shot). I quickly grab my machete, wipe it off with a rag and leave the rag out side, closing the door softly behind me and collapsing on the couch.

Day 49

I stay up all night, keeping an eye on Lauren. She insists that it is only a cold, but I am skeptical. I have my machete near me, not knowing what to expect and sit with her. Talking and trying to keep myself awake. Dawn comes in and checks on my near three in the morning.

"What do you think?" she whispers, while we go into the back room for some water we'd stored.

"I don't know. It's hard to say, but I think she's getting worse. I just don't know."

"Why don't you have Josh take over watching?"

"I don't think I'd be able to sleep regardless. I'll sleep in the car once they've been dropped off at UVU." She looks worried, but says nothing. She hugs me and holds tight for some time and I hold her back, wishing so bad to forget the world we live in and to be lost in her arms. I hope silently that when we move apart we are in our back room on a cool February day with the boys playing together in the living room and chicken nuggets cooking in the oven. But we do pull away, and it is dark and our house is crowded with family and friends--other "survivors", whatever that now means, and I am sure that we both feel so very alone.

There is a loud cough from the living room and I start to hear gagging. I rush in as Lauren calls my name. I grab a mixing bowl in a cupboard and hold it under her. Dawn grabs her hair and holds it back as she throws up. I am convinced, and I am sad because of it. Because, somehow, we are going to have to deal with it. And some how I am going to have to tell her friends.

* * *

We decide, because of Lauren, that we will not be going to UVU today, and I try to explain, while Lauren was still present that we just wanted to make sure she was  going to be OK, and wanted to help take care of her. We set up a makeshift bed in our back room for her and after she had laid down we closed the door and I pulled Dean and Ann aside.

"Have either of you ever seen a person change into a zombie?" I ask, looking at both of them in turn.

"No . . ." Dean says, "We've never known anyone who got bit."

"It's just been us, really," Ann adds.

"Well, I think that you can get infected by something airborne."

"Is that why your friend . . . er, Charlotte is always wearing a mask?" Dean asks, but already knows the answer.

"Yes." There is a pause while I think of how to break the news to them and finally just blurt it out, "I think Lauren has been infected."

"But there was no," Ann stops and looks towards the door that leads to the back room. "How do you know?"

"I've seen it before. About a month ago, someone who was traveling with us got infected and had the same symptoms that took on just as fast." I can tell they are both getting annoyed with me, but I press on. "We need to do something about it. But I think she is the one that should decide. So listen," Dean had tried to interrupt but I didn't let him, "I think it would be best if one of you talked to her."

"How much time?" Ann asks.

"I don't know. With Jacob, the other that got infected it took about twenty-four hours."

"So . . . by tonight?"

"It's possible. I'm really really sorry, but I need you to talk to her. I have to think of how to best protect my family."

They both nod, but do not move. I leave them then, allowing them some time to process this. I talk to Dawn and hand her a medical mask. She takes one and grabs another for Seeley. I then make sure Charlotte is wearing one. She, of course, is. When I walk back out into the living room both Ann and Dean are gone. I assume they are in the back. I can hear some soft whimpers coming from the door that leads back there.

I finally, drudgingly make my way to the bed in Dawn and my bed room. I am exhausted and need sleep, especially if we are going to need to be on watch all night when Lauren turns.

My last thought before quickly drifting off to sleep is of hugging Dawn. I don't know what I would do without her. I don't think I could make it through all of this alone. She is out of the room, watching the kids and chatting with Charlotte and in some ways I can see a family, just having fun, hanging out over the weekend, chatting and enjoying each others company. I wonder if it is the weekend. It must be, I think and fall asleep, finally letting my mind rest.

Day 48

I wake up in my own bed.

I cannot describe the feeling of opening ones eyes and seeing your own familiar things around you. Dawns sewing stuff at the desk and selves across from the bed; there is a quilt  half made, folded on the desk next to the sewing machine. Our closet is open and clothes hang there, untouched for some time, now. Our bed, large and comfortable easily fits us and Connor and Seeley. They are still asleep when I wake up.

I had the dream again. I kill the man, Crystal and now the doctor. I am unable to sleep and I can feel the effects of it draining me dry. And still I am unable to sleep, despite my exhaustion. 

The others are sleeping in our living room. On the floor or couch. I make my way out of mine and Dawn's room and, in the morning twilight, watch them as they sleep. They are at ease and it is an odd thing to see.

Outside shows the true measure of peoples panic. There are burnt houses, some still smoking, all around us. Trash litters the streets from knocked over garbage cans. Houses show signs of having been broken into. My car that I had left behind has busted in windows and smells of mildew.  Smoke rises from several places throughout the valley. Some large, dark, stacks billow into the sky. The sky is gray and it looks like rain.

I walk into the bathroom and open the mirror, grabbing Ibuprofen from the shelf. My left hand aches. Hell, my body aches. I am weak and tired. It is hard to go on when your body is constantly bombarded with horrible injuries, and you don't even have time to cope with them. You're either mentally drained or running for your life. I am exhausted.

I try the water but nothing comes out. It was too much to hope that I could take a shower. I walk out and everyone is still asleep and I decide to take a look outside. As I open the door Josh opens his eyes.

"Where are you going?"

"Just out. I need a walk."

"Is that smart?" he sits up slightly to look at me better.

"I don't know, I think I'll be fine." I look out at the front yard and my black car that has no windows.

"You're not going to take anything? No weapon, nothing?"

I look down and realize he's right. I don't even have a jacket on. He stands up and looks at me. I can tell by his face he is concerned. And I can tell I am not acting normal.  The door is still left open and as I go to shut it an arm reaches in and grabs me hard. I spin around and swing my fist wildly, hitting a woman in the face. She is not a zombie, nor is the other two, a man and woman, running to catch up with her.

"Please," she says, "please can we stay here?" I look down the road and there, some hundred meters or so are four zombies, running at awkward sprints towards us.

"Get in," I say, and open the door. They both walk in as Josh grabs his katana, and I grab my machete.

We walk calmly towards the oncoming zombies. I have my blade lowered, Josh holds his in a baseball hitters stance. The first to approach is nearer to Josh and he swings down, diagonally. I swing my blade up at one nearing me, catching it in the chin and cutting through the things face and into its brain. It crumples. There are two more and I side step around the one just as it falls and chop downward. I catch its arm which starts to bleed out. It spins back towards me when Josh, swinging hard, separates its head from its body, the fourth already killed by Josh.

We turn back, and see the three people along with McKay and Charlotte standing in the doorway. The girl has a tissue held to her nose that has turned red from blood.

"I am so sorry," I say to her. "I thought you were a--"

"It's fine, it's fine," and I can tell she means it.

"What happened there?" Josh asks, "Where were you heading?"

"We heard there is a safe house down near UVU with supplies and food," the man said, panting slightly. I look at Josh and he shrugs. I absently rub the bandage on my left hand with the thumb of the same. It is wet and I figure I must had hit it on something during the short fray.

"What are you're names?" Charlotte says from behind them.

"Oh," the girl without a broken nose says, "I'm Ann, and this is Lauren and Dean."

"Are you . . ." Charlotte starts.

"Friends, yeah."

"Well," I say, "You can stay here as long as you'd like. We don't really have much, but there is some food that we can spare." I walk into the house and they follow, Josh checks to make sure there are no zombies coming as he closes the door.

Dawn is walking out of out bedroom, and closes the door behind her. The boys are still asleep. Charlotte is walking back to her stuff, searching frantically for a mask and puts it on upon finding one. I fill Dawn in on what is going on and she offers them some food and goes back with Charlotte to grab some cans of beans or something. I can tell they make Charlotte nervous, not having masks.

"If you'd like you can recoup here and maybe tomorrow we'll head down to the school with you. We're heading to Saint George, so we could head that way first. Drop you off, or something."

They agree and so, for the remainder of the day we clean out the Hummer and restock it, checking out weapons and supplies. It takes longer than I'd like and by the end of the day we are finally well stocked and ready to head down to Saint George to try and find my family, after we go to the school and help these three.

I hear Lauren cough from the back room. It is gargled and thick. It reminds me of something but I can't place it. I lay down at night, exhausted and hear her cough again and I know what it reminds me of.

Jacob.                                                                                           

Day 47

McKay has a machete. He had picked it up some days ago from a zombie he had decapitated with his chain saw. He holds the sheathed blade in his left hand, a pistol in his right, while I pack my back with the remaining ammunition for the M21 and then check to make sure my own machete is secure. Josh is standing near us, holding his katana, ready to clear out any lingering zombies after they move to find us in the field once hearing the shots. Dawn holds Seeley, while Charlotte is holding Connor, who is still groggy and barely awake.

"Be careful," I say, and give my boys and wife each a kiss. "We'll see you at the school soon." I give Dawn one more hug and leave through the back door. On the small porch I draw my machete and head towards one of the two zombies that are loitering in the back yard. It is slow to move, having not seen me and I drop the blade on top of its head, cleaving the skull. I look over and McKay stabs the thing through the eye. I clean my blade on the grass and sheath it again, moving towards a tall sprinkler nozzle sticking up by the fence, to help me over the chain-links. McKay, at fifteen, is a little more graceful at this than I.

We run to the middle of the field and, after nodding towards McKay, he fires a single round into the air. I can only barely see any zombies that are in the front of the house, but they are moving.

They come from several different directions. Most move into the rear of the house, knocking over the makeshift gates on the sides of the house. They crowd the fence and some start to climb over. Others go into neighboring lawns, going through gates or crowding and slowly climbing over. Some have gone around the houses and walk towards us through the parking lot near the park. I look behind us but see no other zombies coming other than those that were around the house. Some of those that climbed over first near us and I aim the M21 and fire several rounds, dropping each as they near us. McKay had his machete out in his left hand and pistol aimed in his right.

We start to move to our right, to the west, to help us near where we'll be escaping to. I fire again at another zombie several yards away. More and more and coming over the fence. Once everybody is in the Hummer they will honk three times to let us know to run, but still, there is no honk and still more come piling over the fence. We are moving towards the far side of the field quicker now. I deplete my clip and take it out, swinging my bag around I grab a new one, placing the empty back in the bag. McKay is firing his pistol and I grab him another clip before closing the bag. I replace the magazine and fire again. They get closer and we are soon running to the far west fence. I turn and fire again at the zombies, now only twenty or thirty feet away.

I am about to fire again but hear the three honks. I fire several more times, swing my rifle around and take off at a sprint with McKay next to me. We get some distance between us when we reach the fence and I leap towards it, grabbing the top with my hands. My right hand buckles from the pressure and pain and I fall to the ground. McKay is swinging over.

"Common!" he yells. They are fifty feet away and running. I start to climb, ignoring the pain and breathing hard. McKay is firing his gun at them and soon I am over, swinging my body awkwardly over and tumbling to the ground. They hit the fence seconds after. We are running away and after only a few seconds more many have climbed over and are chasing us. I pull out my machete as we run. Ready to hack down any zombies that get near us. McKay does the same. He also holds his pistol.

He fires several shots behind us as we run and one connects with the head of a zombie. It tumbles over, tripping others but still they follow.

The sun is peaking over the mountains behind us as we run. I am starting to feel winded but continue on. Mckay is pulling further ahead. I resign myself to a steady quick-paced jog and am able to keep running and soon we see the Hummer parked by the school.

I see it before McKay. Out of a small side street a zombie comes dashing out towards McKay. I sprint forward to stop it but it tackles him, mouth open. I reach down and put my left hand over its mouth and pull up, lifting it off of McKay. It closes its mouth and catches my ring finger, biting down on it and breaking it. I can feel it as the zombie bites the rest of the way through. I scream and push the thing hard and to the ground while at the same time swinging my machete downward at its head. It connects.

I am bleeding bad, but we need to hurry. I press the finger into my side to help add pressure and stop the bleeding and run. The Hummer is driving towards us and I assume they saw the attack. It pulls to a stop and we quickly get in. McKay in the front, and me in the back, next to Charlotte who is ready with some bandages for whatever injuries we could have gotten. I take a piece of cloth she is holding and press it against my hand while she starts dressing it, being very careful not to get herself dirty. Josh is driving and speeds towards the Provo canyon highway. I lean back after Charlotte is done, thank her and stare out the window.

"I told you I could make it," I say to Dawn, turning my head to look at her in the passenger seat, smiling.

"You got lucky," she said, smiling, but probably a little annoyed. Josh drives down the long road leading through Provo Canyon and I close my eyes, catching my breath and trying my best to ignore the throbbing pain in my hand.

Day 46

There is plenty of food. Dry non-perishable food. We stayed the previous day and through the night with hundreds of zombies surrounding the house. This morning there are still many. Too many for us to handle alone.

McKay informed us that his (and Dawn's) parents are dead and that they had died to save him only days after the outbreak hit Utah. I comfort Dawn as McKay tells her this, but I feel that on some level she knew that it would be this way. It seems to be the way with life now. Death. Chad and Crystal and Clive, even my Grandparents in Oregon I know, (or feel) cannot be alive anymore. Not after we were attacked. Death is a key factor to life even more so now. It is what drives us and keeps us alive, and it is what we fear more than anything. Because no death in a world like this is going to be a good death.

There is a silence that follows McKay's story. No one can speak, and there is no noise, save a quiet sob coming from Dawn. I glance over and catch Josh holding Charlotte's hand as we each give an unintentional moment of silence for not only Dawn's parents, but all of those that we know who have died in this world, this dying world. As I sit, rubbing Dawns back and holding her hands I think of those things I was so adamant about in, what I now consider, my previous life. Global warming, evolution or gay rights seem so trivial now. Now it is only survival. That is all we have and all that we can possible hold on to.

"We need to leave," I say out loud suddenly.

"What," Josh replies, snapping out of his own thoughts. "I mean, how?"

"I'm going to sneak out the back and run into the field next to it. I'll fire a few rounds and let them come after me. Then, I'll run to . . ." I pause for a second, thinking of a place they can meet me, "the old high school."

"What?!" Dawn says, "No! What is something happens to you?"

"I'll be fine. I'm faster and it'll give you enough time to get away. I mean, they will get in eventually." And like clockwork there is a loud bang on the door.

"No," she says, "someone needs to go with you. This is ridiculous. I'm not letting you go alone."

"I'll go," McKay says.

"No!" Dawn says with finality. "No! C'mon, this is nuts. You'll have hundreds on you. Not only those out front but all of the others around the city."

"I'm betting on that being all of the ones that heard the gunshots from yesterday. I'm hoping thats most of them. I'll take the M21 and will be able to get through any that appear while I am running to the school."

"What about your leg?"

"It's fine. It doesn't hurt."

"And you hand?"

I wiggle my fingers to show that it isn't too bad, but as I wiggle them there is a stinging pain in my wrist that I mask. "We need to get out of here. We aren't safe. I don't want to risk anyone else's life so I am going to do it."

"I'm coming too," McKay says, and I don't object.

 "Fine," Dawn finally consents, "But not until tomorrow morning, while it is still dark."

"Why not tonight?" I ask.

"Because I don't want you to do this at all, but at least then you could get plenty of rest and I could have you here a bit longer."

I agree with her. Tomorrow morning, McKay and I will be distracting the zombies to help us escape and I am only fifty percent sure that something like this will work flawlessly.

Day 45

Heber is nothing like any of the cities we'd encountered. As we near the city we start to see them and Dawn begins to silently weep. Zombies are everywhere. Loitering, on the streets and in parks and buildings--everywhere. The city was in ruin, much like Salt Lake City. As we drove through the zombies, most came towards the car and banged on windows and doors. Some jumped up on the hood and tried braking the glass. I drive quickly through them, noticeably running over some. We eventually turn off of Main St. and travel up 500.

There are less zombies here and I pick up speed. down the road to get to Dawn's parents house. There are few zombies around and josh and I quickly dispose of them with our blades, not wanting to alert more to our location.

Josh and Charlotte stay outside while Dawn runs inside. I carry Seeley, and Connor runs in after Dawn. The house is dark from little direct sunlight in the early morning. It is cold and empty and gives an eerie presence, a foreboding that creeps through my skin and bones. The house had always been so warm, even in the Summer it was often times hotter inside than out and I feel myself missing that feeling of coziness--that warmth that would always be found in the walls.

We check each of the rooms but there is no sign of anyone. No sign of a struggle, and also no sign that they ever packed to leave. Both cars are in the garage as well. Dawn is obviously upset and I am not sure how to comfort her. And so, while holding Seeley, and her holding Connor, I hold her in their music room among the piano and couch and shelves.

"McKay's violin case is gone," she says suddenly, referring to her brother, who played violin.

"What?" I say, not sure what she means.

"It's gone. Why would it be gone?"

"You think he is still alive, somewhere?"

"He has to be. And if he is, maybe everyone else is."

There is a call from the front. It is Charlotte, "Uh, guys!? You may want to get out here."

We run out and see some thirty zombies walking towards our Hummer from different directions. Charlotte and Josh have obviously already killed a few. I run in front of Dawn, holding Seeley and place him in the car. Dawn does the same but then grabs the keys on the seat, puts them in her pocket and locks the doors to the Hummer. I reach in my bag and hand her a pistol, grabbing one for me as well and pulling out my machete.

We four stand in a semi circle, ready to fight off the oncoming horde of zombies. All at once, they are fully upon us and I fire several shots, and sever zombies fall. After my ammo is out I hold my machete ready, crouching slightly. I can already see Josh swinging his blade furiously, moving away from us to avoid any injury he could give us. I do the same as I hear a chainsaw start up off in the distance. However, I am forced to ignore it. I look over at Dawn. She has her arm over her mouth and nose, having obviously lost her mask while fighting and is still firing rounds at anything that gets close to the car and our children. I swing at the head of a zombie and watch as it rolls away towards Charlotte. She is tackled and I can see her frantically kicking to get the thing off.

I run over to her and kick the zombie off hard. I then stab my blade through its skull.

"Thanks," she says, replacing her mask with one in a side pocket.

"You have another?" I ask, pointing to Dawn. She hands me one and I run it over to Dawn who puts it on. To my left I see a zombie appear and I spin to see a chainsaw blade rip through its body, spraying blood which Dawn and I move out of the way of. The saw then moves up and rips the zombie in half from the torso up. It falls over and there is McKay, with a paint-ball mask and goggles covering his face. There is something different about him. He is not the fifteen year old I knew only months ago, but much more older, and not by choice. I smile and Dawn runs to hug him.

I quickly turn and start in on the remaining zombies. They scream that scream and I see, out of the corner of my eye, Josh slice one clean in half, stopping the scream abruptly. I hear McKay's chain saw rev up again and can hear it making its way through bodies. More and more begin coming, until we are forced back into the house. Josh and Dawn grab the kids as we hold the zombies off and finally we are in the house, bracing the doors with anything we can reach.

We were trapped in the house with zombies all around us, with McKay, alive.